ETs generally feel weird to me. My YMCA out here has one brand of ET, though, that adjusts to your individual stride instead of forcing you into a specific ellipse pattern, and it feels a lot easier and more natural to use. I think most ETs try to force me into a stride and gait that doesn't fit my physique; you are small like me, Judy, so maybe that's part of it?
WE got a dusting of snow last night and it is beautifully bright out here. I took a SDO yesterday. My right leg quadriceps is working very hard these days and needed a break. But today it's back to the gym. Feels good to be running a little again, even if I am having to confine the running to 2-3 days a week still.
We had a nice day yesterday with T-bone's two daughters. Really one of the nicest and sanest Christmases I've ever had, but I woke up this morning feeling very melancholy and missing the Ratbag.
There is really no one I can talk to about this, either. T-bone just encourages me to be patient with him and let him figure stuff out on his own. He doesn't want me getting upset about it, honestly, because then he's distressed that *I'm* upset. But the truth is that I miss my son every day. Yeah, obviously I'm a shitty mom and clearly I deserve this
but I'm also angry at the whole constellation of people involved. My family. Ex-H's family. Some days I feel very peaceful and right about cutting off contact with them; other days it's not enough that I don't have to deal with their crap anymore; I want to also nuke them all from orbit.