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Up Topic Communities / Women / The Decemberist NRR Thread
- - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-06 6:14 PM
Hi. :happy:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-06 6:26 PM
I've had the house to myself for almost two hours. :shocker!:  I skipped the local Christmas parade in lieu of taking a shower, making some vaguely spicy vegan food (i.e. something no one else would eat), and watching stuff without headphones.

I hate the Christmas season. :meh:  It's a combination of factors, but a lot of it is my family.  I'm not religious and I don't understand the need for All Things Christmas for two months straight.  And then there's all of the decoration, which feels like a process of telling me over and over again that I don't matter.  I don't even want to be in any of the common areas of the house because it's such a chaotic mess that I'm perpetually anxious and angry.  It'll be over in a month, right?
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-12-06 8:33 PM
:hug: I understand and agree with you. I just want peace and tranquility. My entire decoration is a clipped drawing of a snowman on the door and a Christmas Tree that isn't either one, but a small green pillow with a happy face sitting on the dinette table. :happy:
Everyone is emotional and expecting of the prescribed "Christmas Spirit" behavior. :roll:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-07 6:29 AM
I totally understand, I'm not religious either. I remember the stress when I was growing up, so pointless. While I like choosing presents for people I love and eating good food with my family, the rest is too much I think. You're supposed to be doing a million things, fill your house with all kinds of stuff and spend, spend, spend! Nope, I refuse to take part in it and luckily I can get away with that. Yes, it will be over before you know it. :hug:
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-07 12:52 PM Edited 2018-12-07 12:55 PM
I hate the pressure. And that wives and moms are supposed to produce all the "magic", i.e., do all the work, of cooking, cleaning, decorating, gift-shopping, gift-wrapping, writing holiday cards, hosting parties, buying groceries, managing family interactions, managing the extra expense, for everyone else.
Parent - - By BoredTemp [us] Date 2018-12-09 7:45 PM
This.  For those of us who are already the primary breadwinners and household CEOs, having to also put on our apron and pearls and produce a traditional magical experience for everyone else so that they can have a merry Christmas is exhausting and depressing.
Parent - By spccer6 [us] Date 2018-12-10 10:12 AM
This is my mom's biggest struggle with how I approach the holidays.  When we host (or when they host but I get assigned meal planning), I don't do a thousand dishes.  We do a main and 3-4 sides; that's it.  Usually they're sides that take more a little more prep/cooking than I'd do for a normal dinner, so they're a little special.  Every year, I've decorated less and less; I'm finding I like bringing out a few things each year and rotating through them.  The house is still decorated, but there aren't nick nacks everywhere anymore.  Presents are fewer and more thoughtful, bought throughout the year so I don't feel pressure at the last minute.  I feel like I can breathe and enjoy the season again.

My mom struggles with this because she was always over the top.  Dinner was 8-10 sides, presents were abundant but not really bought with much thought, the house had Christmas stuff everywhere that took weeks to put up (and weeks to take down).  The FOF has finally helped me to see that this is her problem, not mine.  :D
Parent - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 7:01 AM
:cry::meh:
Parent - - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 7:00 AM
Yes! Though not limited to Christmas. Every holiday.
Parent - By BoredTemp [us] Date 2018-12-13 1:30 PM
yup
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-07 1:09 PM
I don't mind buying presents (within reason) or having a family get-together, but most of the rest of it feels like too much.
Parent - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2018-12-07 11:22 AM
I'm with you on the decoration stuff.  Put it on private property or in private spaces, that's fine. Public spaces, makes me angry. In your house, the living room is a "public" space.  That's got to be hard to live with!
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-07 12:52 PM
Feeling your pain, to some extent. I don't mind Christmas decorations, but I *do* hate having the whole damned holiday season extended longer and longer. Two months is one-sixth of the entire year, when you think of it, and that it just too much time for the house to be upended and everyone to be expected to show forced jollity the whole time. Bleah.

I am feeling less burn-out and anxiety about Christmas now that I'm with T-Bone; the holidays in general are much less stressful with him as my husband rather than XH; and cutting contact with Twinzilla, my mother and my other siblings has also made things better. But even so, I still struggle with anxiety attacks over even THINKING about decorating, organizing or socializing.

Today, for example, T-bone and I have a medieval holiday party on the schedule tomorrow, and I've been kind of mentally compartmentalizing the amount of time I'll be participating in it. I like all the people involved, but it involves planning and dressing up and gifts and sh*t, and even that little bit of pressure is making me super anxious. And T-Bone this morning woke up and mentioned we're expected to bring a dish to the potluck dinner at the party, and I almost threw up because I hadn't KNOWN, and hadn't had any chance to plan out anything, and WTF??? Even though I like cooking and stuff, it's HOLIDAY RELATED. I'm making an olive-oil and rosemary cake with a lemon drizzle icing that can be traced back to medieval times (southern Europe, obvy), but it's hard to describe the amount of internal hamster-wheel spinning this has sent me into. I'm okay with ignoring Christmas. Really.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-07 1:10 PM
We got a Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. :roll:

I hope your holiday party goes well tomorrow. :hug:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-07 1:51 PM
Glad that things are better now. :grin: The season is also getting longer over here. Putting up the Christmas tree was done Dec. 23 traditionally but now some people already have them up.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-08 5:43 PM
23 December sounds about perfect for me!
Parent - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-12-08 11:29 PM
12/23 is perfect!
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-09 12:28 PM
For the Christmas trees, I blame the artificial tree industry. When everyone had a real tree the time it was up in your living room was self-limiting. If you put it up the day after Thanksgiving it would be dried out and shedding needles everywhere by December 10. Now people put up the fake tree the day after Thanksgiving and it still looks the same in January.
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-09 3:05 PM
Ha I would have bought a ham and said here ya go medieval mutton ! (ok I know ham isn't sheep but try and really find mutton ). I'm so lazy.
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-18 5:55 PM
Mutton no, but you can find leg of lamb at most grocery stores.

Big loaf of bread would work also. Fairly authentic.

But some people like to cook!
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-19 5:59 AM
yeah why is it you can find lamb but never mutton?
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-19 3:24 PM
Because mutton is definitely not to most Americans' taste. Same reason you find kid but not adult goat in stores that sell goat, mostly for birria.

You might find mutton in some states with a long tradition of having the sheep produce wool as long as possible and then thriftily eating the elderly sheep. Idaho and Wyoming (Basque country) down to New Mexico (the Navajo Nation).  Not many other places.
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-19 6:43 PM
I never had mutton at home as a kid; first had it in Norway, where they DO have a tradition of thriftily eating elderly sheep. I loved it. They have a very simple stew called "faarikaal", which translates to "mutton in cabbage", and lo, it's mutton stewed for a long time with cabbage and seasoned with pepper. It's savory, hot, comfort food of the first order. I loved it. :happy:
Parent - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-12-08 11:27 PM
I'm not religious either. I've lived on my own since 1987 and I've never had a Christmas tree. No need for one. Stopped the gifting about 19 years ago. City DNA and I do stuff instead like catch a show or run a race or go out for breakfast. I know that it's easier for someone like me because I basically have no one. The whole Christmas thing growing up was madness...so much useless drama for nothing. Christmas season also used to be shorter. I don't recall my parents putting up their tree until a week before Christmas but times after certainly changed.
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-12-09 5:47 PM
:hug: I love Christmas, but hate how they have made the season longer. I don't like the stress of buying gifts, but love giving gifts if that makes sense. It's a lot of pressure. I guess I have mixed feelings.
Parent - By tritri Date 2018-12-10 4:56 PM
I like Christmas mostly to see family.  I like my parent's house, where I can bring one gift (or not), and we play a game to see who gets what gift.  This is so much fun.  No pressure; nothing needs to be perfect.  My In-Laws are over the top with presents, where each person is expected to get everyone else a present.  The family keeps growing, and what does an 88 yo need?  You might think slippers, but he wears the ratty ones and not the ones he was given 2 years ago...  We do it our way, by giving from our family to each person.  So that is one gift instead of 3...  Then they go to church, dinner, then open presents for hours and hours.  Until no one remembers what they got.  Or cares what they get.  They get their kids so much stuff and it's just total overkill - it takes all the joy out of it for it to be so excessive. 

At home, every year we decide if/when to decorate: usually later, and always together, but sometimes not at all if we aren't going to be around.  My son and his GF will be here on the 18th, so we will probably decorate then.  Christmas Eve dinner was traditionally soup in my family, so I do that if everyone agrees, or we do something else, but it is not solely my decision or job.  Cooking, cleaning up is always shared.  It's more fun that way.  It's always laid back.
Parent - - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 6:57 AM
I hear you, and I don't even celebrate it. Some cousin of DH got ministicky a gift card on Amazon. Which we can't really use since shipping on anything makes it not worth ordering. And now we're expected to get her kid something. I was like, can you just give her the gift card to Amazon?
And his family is so over the top. They find out he likes something - this year it's Superwings which is hilarious - postman superheroes. So they get him everything related to it so none of it is special anymore. And my family ends up looking lame cause we don't celebrate and do gifts so ministicky thinks the ILs are the best. Here, mini, go spin a dreidel in your cat piss clothes. :meh:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-13 9:52 AM
I'm going to have to side with Mini on this one.  The non-cat piss relatives have a definite edge. :laugh::cry:

Maybe you can convince the ILs that Mini is really into sports bras and adult-sized running shoes. :evil:
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-13 10:09 AM
And her DH....that would be funny....
Parent - - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 12:52 PM
:laugh: Wouldn't be too far off, for most of this past year, mini's favorite was Elsa from Frozen. He wore a blue dress almost every day and belted out Let it Go in English, Chinese, Japanese and Hebrew. His group of friends is pretty international.

The ILs were much less excited about that phase. Haven't seen any Elsa outfits coming in the mail from them.
Parent - - By kelly_v Date 2018-12-19 8:09 AM
Out of curiosity what language gets spoken at home?
Parent - - By stickywicket Date 2019-01-02 11:28 AM
Hebrew and English and Kiwi.
Parent - - By BoredTemp [us] Date 2019-01-02 1:36 PM
isn't Kiwi "English-with-a-twist?"
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2019-01-03 3:27 AM
Yes, definitely with a twist. When I was an exchangee, my best friends were from New Zealand and it took a while to get used to it.
Parent - By BoredTemp [us] Date 2019-01-03 9:44 AM
I grew up with Brits in NYC, went to school in the U.S. midwest, and my current cubby-mate at work is an Aussie.    Lots of flavors get spoken. :laugh::happy:
Parent - By stickywicket Date 2019-01-04 2:39 AM
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-21 3:35 AM
I love that he wore a blue dress! Wow, that's a lot of languages for a kid, but it's amazing how easily they learn them isn't it? That will be great help for him in the future, I grew upp with 2 languages (English and Icelandic) and that has always been a bonus for me.
Parent - - By moonglow9 Date 2018-12-21 8:39 AM
Yes, the idea of multiple languages at an early age makes it seem natural, and shows there are many ways of communicating. I also grew up multilingual fluent, and it never seemed confusing or anything but normal.
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-22 4:33 AM
Yes, it does. What languages did you grow up with? There are many in India aren't there? Growing up in two countries also made me realize how different cultures can be even when they seem similar to begin with.
Parent - - By moonglow9 Date 2018-12-28 10:10 AM
Yes, very many languages in India! Some similar but some very different in speech and written, especially between north and south regions. My first language is Gujarati, it is what I started speaking. Also Hindi, which has a similar alphabet and grammar, but not in family life, it was more for reading when that came. English came third when I started reception class/school. My parents did not teach me before under the reasoning that I would get English in school anyway as well as in the broader world, but this way the first language would be stronger. It made for an interesting first few months in school though! But then by age 6 or so school started teaching/immersion in French for part of the day, so I quickly got that as the next language. Interestingly, it did not conflict with any of the others, I just figured out when to speak which depending on the environment and who was around. By age 12-13 school gave the option to add Spanish, which I did.  I started Latin around age 16-17, and some Hebrew in university.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-29 2:18 AM
Wow, that's a lot of languages. :cool:
Parent - - By judyruns Date 2018-12-21 9:27 AM Edited 2018-12-21 9:30 AM
DS grew up in DC-VA area in ESL schools. The benefits of schooling with kids from all over the world gave him a strong world history beginning (college minor), college major language, also Vietnamese, etc. Yes, kids pick up so quickly. They are like little sponges.:grin:

Oh, one funny thing - aunt was a Latin teacher, one day when irked at her class when they had not learned to count in Latin, she came home at taught me (I guess I was 3 years old or so) how to count from 1 to 20 in Latin. I can still rattle it off. :roll: It came in handy in high school. :laugh:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-22 4:35 AM
Yes, it's funny how well you can remember things you learned at a young age. :laugh:
Parent - - By moonglow9 Date 2018-12-28 10:12 AM
:laugh: Yes, old lines that had to be recited, random bits of writing... very odd what sticks.
Counting always interested me with languages - many people say they still count and do maths in their first language, even if fluent in others and using the others more often. Maybe that is related, how one learns to count at such a young age.
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-29 2:17 AM
Yes, that and the alphabet! I've always said that to myself in English, never got the hang of it in Icelandic.
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-29 7:48 PM
How many characters are in the Icelandic alphabet?
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2019-01-02 4:39 AM
We have 32. Lots of wierd ones, like þ, ð and æ, but we don't use c or z.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2019-01-03 9:35 AM
You gave all of your Cs and Zs to Poland? :laugh:
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2019-01-07 3:57 PM
:laugh:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2019-01-08 3:05 AM
Yup! That's why they have so many..:laugh:
Parent - - By judyruns Date 2019-01-08 7:10 AM
I once read that we sent a shipment of vowels to Bosnia. :laugh:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2019-01-09 7:41 AM
:laugh:
Parent - By kelly_v Date 2018-12-19 8:08 AM
I'm a little late but I hope you used the Amazon card to buy the gift for the other kid - win win
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-08 5:42 PM
How's the weather in your part of the world?

I'm trying (and failing miserably) to convince myself that I can do a long run tomorrow and it won't be that bad.  It's supposed to be 36*F, raining, and 10+mph wind.  I've been out running or hiking in awful weather plenty of times so I know I can do it and not die, but I'm trying to prepare myself to be sodden and miserable.  My old stomping ground are supposed to be getting a foot or more of snow tomorrow.  I'll take snow over cold rain any day!
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-08 7:52 PM
The weather is actually great over here these dYA, very mild, no wind and no ice. So it was a great day to take my dad shopping for Christmas presents. :cool: He was very detiermined to do this and bought books for everybody, a very icelandic thing to do.
Good luck on the run!
Parent - - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-12-08 11:29 PM
I'd pick snow over cold rain, too! I'd probably stay in. Maybe I need to change my handle to "bedchaser". The cold makes me want to stay inside and sleep.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-09 4:19 AM
Bedchaser! :laugh::laugh: Yes, I'd pick the snow too, cold rain is colder than anything.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-09 1:08 PM
Hi!  I went out and it wasn't as bad as I expected.  It was still dumping rain when I woke up, but it slacked off a couple of minutes before I headed out so it was just raining lightly.  Aside from my feet, I didn't get soaked so I was on the verge of being overdressed.  If I had ended up being drenched for the entire run, it would've been exceptionally cold and miserable.
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-12-09 5:43 PM
:laugh: I prefer snow too.
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-09 4:25 AM
Seems I'm in an chatty mood. Only 6 days until Gexit, yay! Still some packing to do but not as much as I thought, seems I threw out a lot in last 2 moves. All my university notes have been ditched, about time after 30 years as well as all my receipts from the 90's. Things have been o.k. here, mostly. Old apartment not sold yet, trying not to be too stressed about that, but the renters are being better, thank goodness. I'll be so glad when this is all over and I'm settled in to my new place. This has been a hard couple of months. But there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-09 12:28 PM
Getting rid of stuff you have been hanging onto but will never look at again feels so freeing.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-11 4:49 AM
It is! I've filled 2 trash cans of paper (recycling cans mind you) and I'm so happy I don't ever have to move that stuff again.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-09 1:09 PM
Hooray for finding out you have less stuff than you thought!  I hope the move goes smoothly and that you can get your old apartment sold. :hug:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-11 4:50 AM
Thanks. :hug: It will get sold sooner or later, I'm preparing for later so I won't have to stress out too much.
Parent - - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-12-09 5:42 PM
It was be very hard, but soon you will be settled into your new place.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-11 4:51 AM
Yes, I'm looking forward to that. Especially being in my own space again where nobody can tell to leave!
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-14 5:13 PM
Hey Gunna, happy Gexit! :grin::grin::grin:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-17 3:46 AM
Thanks! It went a lot better than Brexit is going. :grin: I moved this weekend and I love my new place. I also got so much help, my brother showed up with his 2 sons and H and my sis helped a lot too. So most of it was done in a couple of hours. There's still some stuff left but H is pretty relaxed about it, we are actually getting along pretty well through this. But it's great that I'm in my own place now. Can't wait to make a nice home where everything will be exactly as I want it. And in a more interesting location, I am within walking distance to the city center and also my sister and two friends. And my old running routes! :cool:
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-18 8:13 AM
Your new location sounds great! :cool:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-14 6:56 PM
{sigh}  I hate holidays.  I have been feeling extra depressed and anxious all day and I could blame it on the weather, but really it's almost certainly related to the fact that Early Christmas is tomorrow.  I know that it's family dynamics and my own mental baggage and is something I need to work out with my (nonexistent) therapist, but holidays here feel so rigid when it comes to the things that must be enjoyed.  I end up hating the whole damn thing because I'm not happy about the "right" stuff.  I try to do good things like giving gifts that will make other people happy or make good food but I end up feeling awful anyway.  It's probably no one's fault and it's definitely not something that I have the psychological energy to fix, but having extra celebrations certainly makes the whole process worse.  I know that I generally cope in the least healthy ways possible and that's on me, but I'm just trying to survive.  I guess one of the hardest parts is that I don't think anyone actually sees me.  Nobody actually notices that I'm really struggling.  Which I guess is fair.  I probably don't adequately notice or acknowledge other people either.  I've been chronically depressed for almost as long as I can remember, so an obligation to feel things that I don't feel -- like joy -- is especially hard.  I guess I'm struggling tonight. :sad:
Parent - - By newfmrs Date 2018-12-14 7:29 PM
I'm so very sorry you are feeling this way.  I don't really have any advice.  My only general thought on all of it is is maybe you're too good at hiding your feelings?  I'm betting people assume since you buy thoughtful gifts, put in effort ot cook, etc that they might believe you are enjoying the holidays or at the very least aren't depressed.  You have probably become so resilient or void of showing negative emotion that it's just not evident to others.  The only way people will really know is if you open up and share your feelings.  I'm not necessarily suggesting that you do that with family members that you feel won't be supportive and/or take it as an affront.  I hope you do have someone that does see YOU and you can talk and open up to them.  If not, please continue to share here or send me a PM and I'd be happy to talk (online or on phone.)  Does running help you manage and cope?  Is there anything else you can carve out as me time that makes you feel better?  You're entitled to feel how you feel about the holidays and I'm sorry you feel obligated to think differently about them.  Also sorry for the expectations put on you during all of the gatherings.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-14 8:05 PM
Thank you. :hug:

I'm definitely good at hiding.  Decades of experience. :sad:  I could admit that I have been deeply depressed for a really long time, but my family has enough physical and mental illness -- and enough denial of anything that doesn't physically slap them in the face -- that me dying quietly doesn't even register.  Running does help, but of course it doesn't help that my every-other-day schedule has me doing a long run tomorrow morning but holiday festivities mean I will be postponing it until Sunday.  My mental health (or lack thereof) has been a personal struggle for a really long time and a family dynamic of everyone being really fucked up but no one talking about it has definitely been detrimental.  I've had so many really low points and -- so far -- I've learned how to live through them on my own.  Pretending to be okay is exhausting, but I never learned how to admit that I'm not okay.
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-18 6:00 PM
Oh, swannie. :hug:

Your family does not appreciate what you do and honestly your situation reminds me of the fate of a daughter in many a Victorian family, expected to live at home and sacrifice her life to making her parents' declining years comfortable.

I'm not sure what we can do, other than sympathize. If you want to come out here, we have a spare room...
Parent - By kelly_v Date 2018-12-19 8:11 AM
:hug:
Parent - - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-12-15 10:28 AM
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. This time of year is difficult and add that on top of all the other stuff, it must be very hard on you. I know your family has had illnesses, but that does not diminish your's. I wish you could talk to someone and maybe get try some meds. Please reach it to me too. You can PM me also. I'm here for you.:hug: It is not easy trying to function when you are depressed. You do a lot for your family and I'm sure it is overwhelming at times.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-15 7:19 PM
Thanks Jeannie. :hug:

I hope your infusion went well today!
Parent - - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2018-12-15 11:32 AM
I see you. :hug: I value you. :hug:

On a less serious note, what you described is EXACTLY my experience of my family at thanksgiving. That's why this year I was in Hawaii!  The only way I've managed to no feel awful and shitty after is it focus on my relationship with one or two favorite relatives, and make sure I get a good moment of connection with them.

:hug:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-15 7:21 PM
Thank you. :hug:  It does help to know that I'm not entirely alone in feeling this way about family celebrations!
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-12-16 7:52 AM
I also see :hug: and value you. :hug: A  wise person once told me, "Holidays are crisis days." They can also be control wars. Family celebrations sometimes seem to be armored against changes, criticisms or breaking the "rules". More people than we realize feel the same way, but would be chastised by family members for even voicing it. :roll:
Parent - - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-16 1:05 PM
:hug::hug:
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-18 8:14 AM
:hug:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-17 3:59 AM
Sorry to hear that. We certainly see you and notice you in this group. :hug::hug: It must be so hard to feel that way though, but it's very common that people don't notice or pretend not to notice depression. I don't think it comes necessarily from a bad place but from people not knowing what to do. And if they are used to you being like this, maybe they don't realize. It took my family many years to realize what was going on with me, I think my sister only realized it very recently. I was just the "difficult" one in the family. You do so much to help you're family, so you probably seem much stronger to them than you feel. And you have said here that you're an introvert. If you can't afford therapy, maybe you could find a trusted friend or someone in your family to talk to? Just having one confidant can make all the difference.
Also, you might consider a planning a trip over here to Iceland. Airfares are pretty low these days and I have an extra room (and don't need to ask anybody now!). And a summer cabin. You would love hiking over here, I promise you. Something to consider anyway, planning trips always cheers me up when I'm feeling down and it might help you to have something to look forward to. :hug:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-18 8:14 AM
I would love to visit Iceland! :cool:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-19 5:03 AM
Do it! :mischief:
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-24 8:12 AM
Careful about offering up your house....we are planning a London trip in March and one of the options is the Icelandic flight that stops over....wasn't planning to stay over but....if you are hosting...oh I have my 12 year old and 24 year old with me. Not sure if DH is coming. He just doesn't like to travel much lately it seems. : pbbt::laugh:
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-17 1:48 PM
We see you and appreciate you for who you are. :hug:  I will also repeat that your feelings about the holidays are valid. ("things that must be enjoyed"...omg. This. :meh:)

As someone who is currently recovering from exactly what you described...trying to do good things and make things fun and happy for others, but struggling with an inability to feel any joy in them oneself...I really empathize. Seeing a therapist this year has helped a lot. Giving myself permission to withdraw from certain activities has helped. Cutting toxic people out of my life has helped. But I'm in a privileged space right now, to have the ability to do these things. It's a lot harder when you are constantly surrounded by a tribe all doing the opposite of what you want/need to do.

Anyway, you are not alone. If we lived closer, I'd encourage you to come hang here for a while, and we could do some quiet parallel play, so to speak, and just breathe a little.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-18 8:15 AM
:hug::hug:
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2018-12-21 8:40 AM
:hug:
Thinking of you.
Parent - By easternshoregir [us] Date 2018-12-23 7:44 PM
Hugs, swannie! :hug::hug::hug:
I see you. Come "talk" to us when you can't talk to them.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-23 6:08 PM
I don't think we have many locals around here anymore, but I went to the Dekalb Farmers Market today and survived. :laugh:  It's a massive international foods market that is the place to go for all of the things.  It's one of my absolute favorite places, but just before the holidays it is chaos on a grand scale.  Today it was actually not as bad as I expected.  It was definitely worse when I went a couple of years ago the day before Thanksgiving.  I never got truly stuck on any of the aisles today, so I'll count that as a win. :laugh:  I got my fennel, mint, case of tofu, and challah (which is within arm's reach of fresh baked naan, injera, focaccacia, and pita), among other things, but passed on items like whole sugar cane, dragon fruit, bitter melon, and sour tamarind.

Now I just have to prepare and serve all of the things.  My grandmother is paying for the ham that Mom will purchase and plate.  Mom is apparently uninterested in Christmas without grandchildren because she has no plans to procure, prepare, or serve anything aside from ham. :meh:  So I will be making something vegan for me to eat as well as sweet potatoes, apples, braised green beans, rolls, a fennel and orange salad, and a carrot-apple cake.
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-23 6:31 PM
fresh naan...nom!

The market sounds really cool.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-23 9:03 PM
If you are into food at all, it is amazing.  They have so many fruits and veggies that I wouldn't begin to know how to use as well as a truly impressive selection of (really cheap!) spices.  One of the best things is that the people who work there have the languages they speak on their name tags.  I don't think they have a single employee who only speaks English.  Right now they have a lot of Ethiopians -- so a lot of people who speak Amharic -- but, through the years, have had lots of Indians, Cambodians, etc.  It makes me feel very stupid to only speak a single language. :blush:
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-23 9:14 PM
I used to go there a long long long long time ago in college
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-23 9:28 PM
I've been going there since I was a kid.  It hasn't changed much in decades.  They still don't take credit cards and the check out area is still in an odd cave. :laugh:
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2018-12-28 10:13 AM
That sounds amazing to have all that variety in one place, all existing alongside each other. So many foods, even kinds of veg and fruit, that are rarely seen in the regular shops.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-24 4:31 AM
That market sounds wonderful! One thing I miss here is not being able to get as much fresh veggies and fruit and fresh herbs are crazy expensive.
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-28 11:03 PM
That sounds like a wonderful market. If I am ever in Atlanta again I want to go! Though a lot of the items can't be brought back to California.

Mint? Good gracious, plant the stuff! But plant it in a pot. It's invasive.

Your family does not deserve all that you do.
Parent - By spccer6 [us] Date 2019-01-07 10:11 PM
Wait, you went to YDFM 2 days before Christmas???  Are you insane?!?!?!?!  I haven't been in years; my kids are old enough to be left at home now so maybe I can get DH to go with me.  I love picking up random fruits/veggies and then figuring out how to make them.
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-23 6:32 PM
So...I ran today outside. For 10 minutes straight. Granted, it was just loops up and back on the driveway, on a slight incline, but it was actual running on actual dirt. :happy:
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-23 9:04 PM
:grin::grin::grin:  I know it doesn't sound like much, but I also know what you've been through so that's great progress compared to where you were a year ago!
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-24 4:29 AM
Woohoo, that sound great! :grin: Hope you continue to improve.
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-24 12:39 PM
getting back into it is so hard sometimes, mainly not pushing it so hard as to set yourself back. I'm doing run/walk and I'm up to 45 minutes now.
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-24 6:15 PM
That is fantastic, NSF!!!
:grin:
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-12-25 8:12 AM
Great news! :cool:
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2018-12-28 10:13 AM
Well done you! :cool::hug:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-24 4:33 AM
Just want to say Merry Christmas to those who celebrate. Tonight is our main celebration and I will be at my brother's house with my SIL, sister, niece and father. It will be strange without my ex, but I'm totally fine with that. Happy holidays! :grin::hug:
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-24 8:09 AM
My son's friend's family is in Iceland right now for the holidays! So you got Floridians in da house....
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-25 3:58 AM
Oh wow! Luckily it's unusually warm. :grin:
Parent - By laxrunner Date 2018-12-24 11:41 AM
Merry Christmas!
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-24 12:39 PM
Merry Christmas. I see Santa has not yet made it to Iceland according to Norad
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-25 3:58 AM
:shocker!:
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