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Up Topic Communities / Women / The Decemberist NRR Thread
- - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-06 6:14 PM
Hi. :happy:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-06 6:26 PM
I've had the house to myself for almost two hours. :shocker!:  I skipped the local Christmas parade in lieu of taking a shower, making some vaguely spicy vegan food (i.e. something no one else would eat), and watching stuff without headphones.

I hate the Christmas season. :meh:  It's a combination of factors, but a lot of it is my family.  I'm not religious and I don't understand the need for All Things Christmas for two months straight.  And then there's all of the decoration, which feels like a process of telling me over and over again that I don't matter.  I don't even want to be in any of the common areas of the house because it's such a chaotic mess that I'm perpetually anxious and angry.  It'll be over in a month, right?
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-12-06 8:33 PM
:hug: I understand and agree with you. I just want peace and tranquility. My entire decoration is a clipped drawing of a snowman on the door and a Christmas Tree that isn't either one, but a small green pillow with a happy face sitting on the dinette table. :happy:
Everyone is emotional and expecting of the prescribed "Christmas Spirit" behavior. :roll:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-07 6:29 AM
I totally understand, I'm not religious either. I remember the stress when I was growing up, so pointless. While I like choosing presents for people I love and eating good food with my family, the rest is too much I think. You're supposed to be doing a million things, fill your house with all kinds of stuff and spend, spend, spend! Nope, I refuse to take part in it and luckily I can get away with that. Yes, it will be over before you know it. :hug:
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-07 12:52 PM Edited 2018-12-07 12:55 PM
I hate the pressure. And that wives and moms are supposed to produce all the "magic", i.e., do all the work, of cooking, cleaning, decorating, gift-shopping, gift-wrapping, writing holiday cards, hosting parties, buying groceries, managing family interactions, managing the extra expense, for everyone else.
Parent - - By BoredTemp [us] Date 2018-12-09 7:45 PM
This.  For those of us who are already the primary breadwinners and household CEOs, having to also put on our apron and pearls and produce a traditional magical experience for everyone else so that they can have a merry Christmas is exhausting and depressing.
Parent - By spccer6 [us] Date 2018-12-10 10:12 AM
This is my mom's biggest struggle with how I approach the holidays.  When we host (or when they host but I get assigned meal planning), I don't do a thousand dishes.  We do a main and 3-4 sides; that's it.  Usually they're sides that take more a little more prep/cooking than I'd do for a normal dinner, so they're a little special.  Every year, I've decorated less and less; I'm finding I like bringing out a few things each year and rotating through them.  The house is still decorated, but there aren't nick nacks everywhere anymore.  Presents are fewer and more thoughtful, bought throughout the year so I don't feel pressure at the last minute.  I feel like I can breathe and enjoy the season again.

My mom struggles with this because she was always over the top.  Dinner was 8-10 sides, presents were abundant but not really bought with much thought, the house had Christmas stuff everywhere that took weeks to put up (and weeks to take down).  The FOF has finally helped me to see that this is her problem, not mine.  :D
Parent - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 7:01 AM
Parent - - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 7:00 AM
Yes! Though not limited to Christmas. Every holiday.
Parent - By BoredTemp [us] Date 2018-12-13 1:30 PM
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-07 1:09 PM
I don't mind buying presents (within reason) or having a family get-together, but most of the rest of it feels like too much.
Parent - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2018-12-07 11:22 AM
I'm with you on the decoration stuff.  Put it on private property or in private spaces, that's fine. Public spaces, makes me angry. In your house, the living room is a "public" space.  That's got to be hard to live with!
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-12-07 12:52 PM
Feeling your pain, to some extent. I don't mind Christmas decorations, but I *do* hate having the whole damned holiday season extended longer and longer. Two months is one-sixth of the entire year, when you think of it, and that it just too much time for the house to be upended and everyone to be expected to show forced jollity the whole time. Bleah.

I am feeling less burn-out and anxiety about Christmas now that I'm with T-Bone; the holidays in general are much less stressful with him as my husband rather than XH; and cutting contact with Twinzilla, my mother and my other siblings has also made things better. But even so, I still struggle with anxiety attacks over even THINKING about decorating, organizing or socializing.

Today, for example, T-bone and I have a medieval holiday party on the schedule tomorrow, and I've been kind of mentally compartmentalizing the amount of time I'll be participating in it. I like all the people involved, but it involves planning and dressing up and gifts and sh*t, and even that little bit of pressure is making me super anxious. And T-Bone this morning woke up and mentioned we're expected to bring a dish to the potluck dinner at the party, and I almost threw up because I hadn't KNOWN, and hadn't had any chance to plan out anything, and WTF??? Even though I like cooking and stuff, it's HOLIDAY RELATED. I'm making an olive-oil and rosemary cake with a lemon drizzle icing that can be traced back to medieval times (southern Europe, obvy), but it's hard to describe the amount of internal hamster-wheel spinning this has sent me into. I'm okay with ignoring Christmas. Really.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-07 1:10 PM
We got a Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. :roll:

I hope your holiday party goes well tomorrow. :hug:
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-07 1:51 PM
Glad that things are better now. :grin: The season is also getting longer over here. Putting up the Christmas tree was done Dec. 23 traditionally but now some people already have them up.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-08 5:43 PM
23 December sounds about perfect for me!
Parent - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-12-08 11:29 PM
12/23 is perfect!
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-09 12:28 PM
For the Christmas trees, I blame the artificial tree industry. When everyone had a real tree the time it was up in your living room was self-limiting. If you put it up the day after Thanksgiving it would be dried out and shedding needles everywhere by December 10. Now people put up the fake tree the day after Thanksgiving and it still looks the same in January.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-09 3:05 PM
Ha I would have bought a ham and said here ya go medieval mutton ! (ok I know ham isn't sheep but try and really find mutton ). I'm so lazy.
Parent - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-12-08 11:27 PM
I'm not religious either. I've lived on my own since 1987 and I've never had a Christmas tree. No need for one. Stopped the gifting about 19 years ago. City DNA and I do stuff instead like catch a show or run a race or go out for breakfast. I know that it's easier for someone like me because I basically have no one. The whole Christmas thing growing up was much useless drama for nothing. Christmas season also used to be shorter. I don't recall my parents putting up their tree until a week before Christmas but times after certainly changed.
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-12-09 5:47 PM
:hug: I love Christmas, but hate how they have made the season longer. I don't like the stress of buying gifts, but love giving gifts if that makes sense. It's a lot of pressure. I guess I have mixed feelings.
Parent - By tritri Date 2018-12-10 4:56 PM
I like Christmas mostly to see family.  I like my parent's house, where I can bring one gift (or not), and we play a game to see who gets what gift.  This is so much fun.  No pressure; nothing needs to be perfect.  My In-Laws are over the top with presents, where each person is expected to get everyone else a present.  The family keeps growing, and what does an 88 yo need?  You might think slippers, but he wears the ratty ones and not the ones he was given 2 years ago...  We do it our way, by giving from our family to each person.  So that is one gift instead of 3...  Then they go to church, dinner, then open presents for hours and hours.  Until no one remembers what they got.  Or cares what they get.  They get their kids so much stuff and it's just total overkill - it takes all the joy out of it for it to be so excessive. 

At home, every year we decide if/when to decorate: usually later, and always together, but sometimes not at all if we aren't going to be around.  My son and his GF will be here on the 18th, so we will probably decorate then.  Christmas Eve dinner was traditionally soup in my family, so I do that if everyone agrees, or we do something else, but it is not solely my decision or job.  Cooking, cleaning up is always shared.  It's more fun that way.  It's always laid back.
Parent - - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 6:57 AM
I hear you, and I don't even celebrate it. Some cousin of DH got ministicky a gift card on Amazon. Which we can't really use since shipping on anything makes it not worth ordering. And now we're expected to get her kid something. I was like, can you just give her the gift card to Amazon?
And his family is so over the top. They find out he likes something - this year it's Superwings which is hilarious - postman superheroes. So they get him everything related to it so none of it is special anymore. And my family ends up looking lame cause we don't celebrate and do gifts so ministicky thinks the ILs are the best. Here, mini, go spin a dreidel in your cat piss clothes. :meh:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-13 9:52 AM
I'm going to have to side with Mini on this one.  The non-cat piss relatives have a definite edge. :laugh::cry:

Maybe you can convince the ILs that Mini is really into sports bras and adult-sized running shoes. :evil:
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-12-13 10:09 AM
And her DH....that would be funny....
Parent - By stickywicket Date 2018-12-13 12:52 PM
:laugh: Wouldn't be too far off, for most of this past year, mini's favorite was Elsa from Frozen. He wore a blue dress almost every day and belted out Let it Go in English, Chinese, Japanese and Hebrew. His group of friends is pretty international.

The ILs were much less excited about that phase. Haven't seen any Elsa outfits coming in the mail from them.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-08 5:42 PM
How's the weather in your part of the world?

I'm trying (and failing miserably) to convince myself that I can do a long run tomorrow and it won't be that bad.  It's supposed to be 36*F, raining, and 10+mph wind.  I've been out running or hiking in awful weather plenty of times so I know I can do it and not die, but I'm trying to prepare myself to be sodden and miserable.  My old stomping ground are supposed to be getting a foot or more of snow tomorrow.  I'll take snow over cold rain any day!
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-08 7:52 PM
The weather is actually great over here these dYA, very mild, no wind and no ice. So it was a great day to take my dad shopping for Christmas presents. :cool: He was very detiermined to do this and bought books for everybody, a very icelandic thing to do.
Good luck on the run!
Parent - - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-12-08 11:29 PM
I'd pick snow over cold rain, too! I'd probably stay in. Maybe I need to change my handle to "bedchaser". The cold makes me want to stay inside and sleep.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-09 4:19 AM
Bedchaser! :laugh::laugh: Yes, I'd pick the snow too, cold rain is colder than anything.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-09 1:08 PM
Hi!  I went out and it wasn't as bad as I expected.  It was still dumping rain when I woke up, but it slacked off a couple of minutes before I headed out so it was just raining lightly.  Aside from my feet, I didn't get soaked so I was on the verge of being overdressed.  If I had ended up being drenched for the entire run, it would've been exceptionally cold and miserable.
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-12-09 5:43 PM
:laugh: I prefer snow too.
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-09 4:25 AM
Seems I'm in an chatty mood. Only 6 days until Gexit, yay! Still some packing to do but not as much as I thought, seems I threw out a lot in last 2 moves. All my university notes have been ditched, about time after 30 years as well as all my receipts from the 90's. Things have been o.k. here, mostly. Old apartment not sold yet, trying not to be too stressed about that, but the renters are being better, thank goodness. I'll be so glad when this is all over and I'm settled in to my new place. This has been a hard couple of months. But there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-12-09 12:28 PM
Getting rid of stuff you have been hanging onto but will never look at again feels so freeing.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-11 4:49 AM
It is! I've filled 2 trash cans of paper (recycling cans mind you) and I'm so happy I don't ever have to move that stuff again.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-12-09 1:09 PM
Hooray for finding out you have less stuff than you thought!  I hope the move goes smoothly and that you can get your old apartment sold. :hug:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-11 4:50 AM
Thanks. :hug: It will get sold sooner or later, I'm preparing for later so I won't have to stress out too much.
Parent - - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-12-09 5:42 PM
It was be very hard, but soon you will be settled into your new place.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-12-11 4:51 AM
Yes, I'm looking forward to that. Especially being in my own space again where nobody can tell to leave!
Up Topic Communities / Women / The Decemberist NRR Thread

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