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Up Topic Communities / Women / October NRR
- - By swandive Date 2018-10-02 2:49 PM
Sorry, I don't have any fun alliteration.

Post!
Parent - - By swandive Date 2018-10-02 3:04 PM
So, I'm going on a little road trip next month. :blush:  Machine Head was about to embark on a tour before the lead guitarist and drummer decided to quit the band, so they're going ahead with the tour before they part company.  They were here back in February and I saw them in both Birmingham and Atlanta, so this time they won't be anywhere very close.  I'd already bought a ticket for the Nashville show, which is a 5-hour drive.  Today I bought a ticket for the Louisville show, which is 7.5 hours away.  I wouldn't normally drive that far for a show, but I can't afford to miss the chance to see them two more times.  I actually drive through Nashville going to Louisville, so I can go to Louisville one day, Nashville the next day, then back home and it's only 15 hours of total driving.  Which is a lot, but totally worth it.
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-10-02 7:15 PM
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Swannie, that sounds like a great trip for you. Glad it is looking good! :grin:
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-02 11:23 PM
Go for the shows! Have fun.

And repeat: if there are any shows in LA or environs that you would like to see, we have a guest room and can figure out transportation. The only problem would be cat allergies. Our house is not recommended for anyone who can't be around cats. But if you can, you are welcome to crash here.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-03 4:12 AM
You are welcome to stay with me if they come to Tampa. I would be surprised if they don't as Tampa is kind of known for early metal bands (hardcore) back in the day.
Parent - By kelly_v Date 2018-10-03 8:25 AM
:cool::cool:
Parent - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-03 10:37 AM
Definitely worth it! :grin:
Parent - By tritri Date 2018-10-03 10:59 AM
:grin:  Yay!  I was thinking we needed to all look at the line up and offer to host you.  :grin:  I looked and they are not coming near me, but they will be near others on here!
Parent - By swandive Date 2018-10-03 5:53 PM
Thank you all. :hug:  It would be awesome if I could figure out how to just follow them around the country while I visit forumites. :laugh:
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-04 12:40 PM
Oooo. Sounds like fun! :grin:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-07 12:14 PM
What are you reading?  Any good suggestions?  I have no idea what kind of book I'm looking for. :laugh:  I recently finished a very long book about the 1944 Warsaw Uprising.  After that I read The President is Missing, which was engaging and relatively easy reading.  Not the type of book I usually read -- I seem to mostly read non-fiction -- but I enjoyed it.  I don't know what I want to read next, though, so at the moment I'm back to the Game of Thrones series, which I have been slowly re-reading over the past couple of years.
Parent - By easternshoregir [us] Date 2018-10-19 6:38 AM
I just started the Nightingale. I did read Hidden Figures, which I would recommend. I didn't see the movie but thought the book was interesting. It is nice to learn US history that we don't learn in high school.
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-10 1:46 PM
Three more weeks before I am allowed to drive. I'm feeling well enough that I'm getting restless. T-Bone is doing his best to help, and friends have come and collected me for outings. We've also had friends over. But as fun as those things are, I'm still missing a sense of agency, ya know?

Also, my new car is sitting in the garage waiting for me. T-Bone has been great about using it to drive us places so I can at least get a feel for it, but...(pout)...:laugh:
Parent - - By easternshoregir [us] Date 2018-10-19 6:37 AM
I think you had a surgery? (I'm so out of the loop.) Hope recovery continues to go well!
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-20 5:01 PM
I busted the ACL on my right leg, so now I have two shiny repaired ACLs.
Parent - - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2018-10-11 9:16 AM
Do you all remember me posting about training to become a personal trainer?  Well, I'm in my "internship" now and working a few hours a week at the on-campus gym.  It is SO fun.  I had my first client this week, and did an assessment and designed a beginning workout for her. She'll do it on her own, then check in with me next week about how she did.  I also have a friend who has asked me to train her, again as a learning experience.  AND MCF came home from work yesterday and said one of his colleagues is looking for a HES personal trainer for one of her clients, and when would I start taking clients!!  I almost want to say yes, but I'm scared. I need to find out more about what she needs.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-11 9:30 AM
That is awesome. I'm so glad you are getting great clients!
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-11 11:38 AM
Awesome!  I'm glad to hear that becoming a personal trainer is going so well!
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-10-11 12:44 PM
Great news for you! You'll be a great trainer. :grin::cool:
Parent - By gophergirl [us] Date 2018-10-11 7:57 PM
That is great!
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-10-12 6:46 PM
Congratulations!
Parent - By kcp65 [us] Date 2018-10-19 9:08 PM
This is really awesome!:cool: Congrats!
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-20 3:10 AM
So cool that you're doing this! :cool:
Parent - - By spccer6 [us] Date 2018-10-17 8:46 AM
My best friend from elementary school was just diagnosed with Grade 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  She's single teacher with two kids in college.  Any prayers, thoughts, whatever you can muster for her are greatly appreciated.  She's rightfully scared right now.
Parent - - By moonglow9 Date 2018-10-17 9:06 AM
I am thinking good thoughts for your friend and her children, and praying that she be healed, restored, and strengthened quickly.
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-10-18 7:09 AM
Moonglow, you said it so very well.
My thoughts and prayers for your friend and family. :hug:
Parent - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-18 7:15 AM
Ugh. So sorry to hear this. Sending good thoughts her way.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-18 11:17 AM
Make sure she insists on the new test that will determine if chemo along with radiation and surgery will work. This test will pinpoint of her type of cancer responds to chemo. If not there is no point in undergoing needless suffering for no result. A lot of cancer centers will not tell patients about this test because they make less money if they don't do chemo. I am sorry for your friend and hope it is fully cured.
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-18 11:27 PM
Prayers for your friend's speedy recovery.
Parent - By easternshoregir [us] Date 2018-10-19 6:37 AM
Sending love and good healthy thoughts her way.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-19 7:02 AM
:hug::hug::hug:
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-24 5:04 AM
Several weeks ago, the NCCN updated their breast cancer clinical guidelines incorporating the results of the TALIORx clinical trial. This was the world’s largest clinical trial to determine the need of chemotherapy for thousands of women receiving medium-risk scores from the Oncotype Dx test (21 gene assay

Today Show segment, TAILORx clinical trial results http://app.criticalmention.com/app/#clip/view/1ee1f3b4-7e5f-4837-b93b-e04b0222f5fe?token=74626181-befd-4245-bcfa-eb979fc0bef2

PM me if you want additional attachments on the trial.
Parent - By spccer6 [us] Date 2018-10-24 7:24 AM
Thank you!
Parent - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-24 11:33 AM Edited 2018-10-24 11:52 AM
It's an exciting study but may not be applicable depending on hormone receptor status or node involvement.
Parent - By easternshoregir [us] Date 2018-10-19 6:33 AM
Just popping in to say hi!
T, I would totally toss that book. Like Judy said, it is outdated. :)
Swannie, glad to hear you are getting to see your band before they break up!!
Parent - By easternshoregir [us] Date 2018-10-19 6:36 AM
Congrats on getting your first clients, reebs! Good for you on working towards your goal and achieving it!
Parent - - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-10-19 4:26 PM
After 10 years, I am out of the for-profit universities and back working for the state school system, which means I have nothing to do at work on Friday afternoons except watch the clock and plan for the weekend. : pbbt:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-19 7:09 PM
Hi Stormie! {waves}  So, what do you have planned for the weekend?
Parent - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-10-20 10:01 PM
Yard work, for one. We had a snow storm and a hard freeze earlier this week. One of my trees dropped all its leaves so I need to get them off the lawn. City DNA and I ran an evening 5k race tonight on one of our favorite trail systems. It's nice to have real time off during the evenings and weekends and not be expected to work all the time.
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-20 3:10 AM
Hope you will be happier in this job than the last one. :hug:
Parent - - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-10-20 10:02 PM
I was happy at my last job for a long time and then the hours and demands got to be too much. My new job's commute is really long but I have a very small job and lots of free time. :happy:
Parent - By tritri Date 2018-10-23 10:07 AM
:cool:  Yay!
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-24 6:44 AM
Sounds great! :cool:
Parent - - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-22 7:52 AM
I wish there was a waving emoticon. :happy:
Parent - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-10-22 8:36 AM
:cool:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-22 6:52 PM
This is actually RR, but the dailies don't seem to get much traffic so I figured it might be better to post here.  For several months now, I've had an unusual amount of tendon soreness in my ankles.  Any ideas of what might cause that (and what to do about it)?  I am used to random niggles that come and go, but this is pronounced soreness that hasn't gone away.  It's not always in the same spot and sometimes it will be the left ankle hurting more than the right -- or vice versa -- but it seems like my ankles are noticeably sore an awful lot.  i notice it most when I'm running -- especially starting out -- but then they can also feel noticeably sore post-run.

Things that haven't changed:
- No traumatic injuries to my ankles in recent years.
- I've been wearing the same model of shoe for 5+ years.
- No real weight gain/loss.
- No changes in medication.
- Weekly/yearly mileage has been consistent for the past few years.

Any ideas?  It's not the kind of pain that would keep me awake at night or anything awful like that, but it's definitely a newish problem that doesn't seem to be resolving on its own and I don't want to just ignore it if it's a symptom of something going wrong.  Or am I just getting old? :laugh:
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-23 6:29 AM
You may be developing some imbalances in your back or hips so your runs are throwing off the ankles. My PT a long time ago told me that usually when another part of the body hurts check your hip balance....you could try seeing if that is an issue or working on strengthening your IT band and ankles with weights. Or you are running the same road slanted the same way (if you run facing traffic you are usually running with the left side lower than the right due to the way roads are cambered). Or could just be age and use....it happens sadly.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-23 4:22 PM
That's a reasonable explanation given that I've had a fair amount of lower back pain for a decade or more.  It's mostly the left side of my back as I'm overwhelmingly right hand dominant so my left side compensates when I pick up heavy stuff.  That's not a *new* thing, though, and I haven't noticed that one ankle hurts more than the other (though they do seem to alternate :laugh:).  I do run on cambered roads, but the camber tends to go from left to right as the roads curve and they're the same roads I've been running on for a lot longer than the ankle niggles have been an issue.
Parent - - By judyruns Date 2018-10-23 6:30 AM Edited 2018-10-23 6:34 AM
Is it ever related to the camber of the road?
Can you back off the mileage (just a little) temporarily to see if that helps?
It looks like you have covered possible causes very well. Maybe checking with your doc?
Reading the above post sounds logical. It's because of losing strength due to my age, but my doc gives me specific exercises to strengthen parts of the legs to help keep the knee (for instance) tracking correctly (which it wasn't).
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-23 4:28 PM
The reason I mostly doubt camber is that my routes haven't varied that much in a few years, so I wouldn't expect camber to suddenly become a problem, nor do I notice that one ankle consistently hurts more than the other.  Oddly, it's rarely both ankles hurting at the same time.  It's usually one or the other (though it definitely varies and can change in the course of a long run).

I definitely notice more general achiness now than I did 15-20 years ago, but I'm in my mid-late 30s and tend to be generally quite active (even apart from running) so I wouldn't expect too much loss of strength simply due to age.
Parent - - By spccer6 [us] Date 2018-10-23 7:42 AM
Time for new shoes?
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-10-23 9:38 AM
Ahhhhh, comfortable, soft, cushiony, shoes? :grin:
Parent - - By spccer6 [us] Date 2018-10-23 11:11 AM
I keep 2 pairs of shoes - Brooks and Mizuno.  The Mizunos have always been my goto shoe, but i've noticed in the last few months that running in them makes the balls of my feet hurt.  I can walk in them, stand all day, do a strength work out - all is good.  Run in them, the balls of my feet are painful for days.  The Brooks don't do that.  I wonder if it's hormonal changes causing ligaments/tendons to be looser/tighter, and now they don't give me the right support?
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-23 4:35 PM
Interesting about the shoes.  I can check my log, but I think I've been running in Mizunos for 6+ years now.  Always Wave Riders, but I keep two pairs in rotation and use the newer pair for long runs and the older pair for running during the week.  I track mileage and have a good idea of the number of miles I can get out of a pair of shoes.  I suppose it's possible that I got a dud pair of shoes, though.  Interestingly I did try a couple of pairs of Brooks back in the day and tolerated them but didn't really like them because they felt too soft/squishy, which I guess is what most people call "cushioning." :laugh:  I do wonder about something like hormones, but those changes can be awfully difficult to decipher.
Parent - By spccer6 [us] Date 2018-10-24 7:29 AM
Yeah, I used to alternate two pairs of Mizuno.  I think they're the Wave Riders; I'm so bad about knowing what shoe I have.  A couple of years ago they couldn't get my size when I needed to replace mine, so I tried the Brooks (again, no idea which model).  They are squishier, but I felt like they provided the needed support.  I found that I liked being able to vary my shoe based on what I was doing and how my feet were feeling.  I tend to run in the Brooks when I'm a little more tired (and apt to slap my feet down).  Totally guessing on the hormonal thing because it's really the only thing that has changed in the last few months.
- - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-02 11:26 PM
Ethical issue.

I run a Little Free Library at the end of my driveway.

Someone left a kids' book that is about overcoming obstacles. Four "heroic" characters.

Lance Armstrong, An Sung Suu Kui, Martin Luther King Jr., Eleanor Roosevelt.

While I have no problem with MLK Jr or ER, I do have some serious issues with Armstrong and the Lady: Armstrong because of cheating, the Lady because of not addressing the Rohingya genocide.

Should I remove the book? Destroy it? Leave it for someone else to take?
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-03 4:16 AM
I'm sure it was written before those issues. Lance is a flawed character for sure but he did raise a lot of money for cancer research.

I must say I'm surprised at Suu Kui's stance in some ways but not others. Most of the population view the Rohingya as a group that invaded into their country and have no right to be there - basically squatters trying to take over. Like most cultures viewed the Romana or the Travelers in Ireland. But as a leader she should have risen above that.

Its your library. Remove it if you feel it violates your stance on these issues.
Parent - - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-03 10:43 AM
Yeah, my highly educated coworkers in Myanmar who work in development have surprising views on Rohingya (similar to what you said). I purposefully didn't bring it up on my last trip because I need strong working relationships to do my job effectively, but then I regretted it when I went to the genocide museum in Phnom Penh the next week. :sad:
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-04 1:42 PM
Perhaps if you are living in a country with very scarce resources to begin with and another group appears to try to take over some of those resources that may sway your view on them, especially if they do not try to integrate into your country and culture and religion. That is probably why your colleagues have this view. Probably similar to the views Israelis vs Palestinians have on each other....in many cases both groups are probably "right".
Parent - - By swandive Date 2018-10-03 5:59 PM
I would probably remove it and put it in the trash, not the donation box.  Presumably the book was written at a time when both people in question were viewed in a more positive light, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with promoting those individuals as heroes anymore.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-07 1:07 PM
In somewhat of a defense to Lance....I can somewhat understand him feeling invincible and untouchable. He beat cancer that had metastasized to his brain. He was essentially on his deathbed. Once you go through something like that you could easily end up with a god complex.
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-04 12:43 PM
Oh, that's a bit of a dilemma, given that you're effectively censoring what a child might read about. But yeah, the simplest approach is to put it in the trash. If you feel guilty about it, maybe get an individual bio of King and Roosevelt
Parent - - By judyruns Date 2018-10-07 12:34 PM
+1
As someone who worked in a public library, we would sometimes adjust the area where the book was IF it was an age appropriate issue.
In this case, the information is outdated. I'd pitch it.
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2018-10-07 2:13 PM
I think the 'outdated' approach is a good way to look at it, just as one routinely weeds books in a library when the are old or the information is no longer current, one could consider the book here to be outdated because it does not seem to consider the later deeds/misdeeds of the subject of the biography. Replacing it with a more current volume(s) is one option, or just removing it.
Parent - - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-11 8:29 AM
What did you end up deciding to do?

While I would take away An Sung Suu Kui's heroic status for the reason you mentioned, I do think she is worth learning about. She has an interesting story and I doubt most Americans, let alone kids, know much about Myanmar. :happy:
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-18 11:28 PM
It is still on the bookshelf in my house -- not in my LFL. I will probably wind up recycling it, though.
Parent - - By Mickey [us] Date 2018-10-15 10:57 AM
Bringing up a larger issue...

Can someone in public eye change their stripes & overcome past transgressions? 

Obviously, they can go from lauded hero to despicable rather easily, but at what point do we forgive a public figure for something they did long ago & no longer participate in such behavior?   Do they need to specifically atone for a questionable incident,  or is the recent behavior enough ?

As far as specific behaviors concerned....murder is probably out of the realm of public forgiveness (although sportsballers might have a pass here).  In some cases, animal abuse was enough to ruin a person, but not in all cases. Theft? Espionage? Kidnapping? Drug crimes?
Parent - - By moonglow9 Date 2018-10-16 8:03 PM
I would tend to watch what the person does, not what they say, because words are often empty and meant to get out of the instant situation with the fewest consequences. If someone did something in the long ago past, it would depend on how much it reveals of a character that is unlikely to change (although it might change shape) vs a situational thing unlikely to be intrinsic. I would think that specific atonement is required. Specific behaviour, it is hard to say because it is situational. Espionage and theft would be hard for me to get over. Murder, sometimes it might be so situational that it is unlikely to have a long termaracter flaw, but it might hint at temperament that sets off the person as a red flag. Drug crimes, I would worry about if it shows habitual tendencies.
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-24 2:02 PM
You said it better than I could, MG. :happy:
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-18 11:29 PM
I think they probably can gain redemption, though it depends a lot on what the crime was and how good they are at public atonement.
Parent - - By kcp65 [us] Date 2018-10-19 9:08 PM
One of my neighbors has a library in front of his house, too. Now I'm really curious as to what/who gave him and you the idea to do this! It's very cool. :cool:
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-21 11:15 AM
Little Free Library.

https://littlefreelibrary.org/

Tod Bol started this who sadly passed away this week from cancer.

Arimathea kindly dedicated her LFL to Evan, who loved books so much. We live on a private side road so really no one would come down our street for an LFL as much as a more traveled road.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-22 3:07 AM
It's such a wonderful idea, both because of Evan and for the people who get to enjoy books this way.
Parent - By judyruns Date 2018-10-22 6:27 AM
There is one near me but needs to be in a safer space to stop a car. It's a great idea for that neighborhood though, because it's a nice walk from any of the many houses.
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-27 8:16 PM
We are a block from an elementary school and so a lot of the books that go and get exchanged are for K-6 readers. But adult books get read too.

I loved the idea from the time I first heard of it, especially since we're 2 miles from the nearest public library. It took a while to build the library -- I had started thinking of it before DH died but we didn't get it built until 2017 -- however it has been a hit with the neighbors. I love books and am happy to share them with everyone around us. We have also received so many donations that we could send a box of books to the first Little Free Library in the Navajo Nation, whose LFL opened up earlier this year.

And a copy of Evan's favourite book, "The Phantom Tollbooth", has been borrowed and returned a couple of times. :grin:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-28 6:10 AM
:hug::hug:
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2018-10-28 12:27 PM
The Phantom Tollbooth was one of my favourites also. It still is. One of those that can be a different experience each time reading, and holds true for adults as well as children.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-29 1:59 PM
:hug::hug::hug:
- - By kcp65 [us] Date 2018-10-19 9:03 PM
Stopping by to say hello! My job change is kicking my ass, but in a good way. It's just that I don't have much time for the forum or anything else these days.

This has been one busiest and most stressful weeks ever, but I am NOT complaining. :grin: The stress I deal with now is positive. It's about teaching a new class and being confronted with things like charts and graphs and other things that make my anxiety levels rise :wink:; working my butt off out of commitment rather than fear; and adjusting to this major change I made at 53, after almost 15 years at my prior school. It was much easier to change schools back when I was in my 30s, that's for sure. I had more energy back then because of my youth, and also because I hadn't suffered through 4 years of serious workplace abuse on a daily basis (the last year being the final straw). I still had an intact patella back then, too.

The fractured patella/surgery after-effects linger. I am back to running but still cope with stiffness in my quadriceps tendon and a frequent "awareness" that my right knee is not what it was, especially compared to my non-injured side. It really pisses me off sometimes, but I try to remind myself that I am lucky to be running as much as I am (longest run right now is 8 miles) without pain.

DH, the pupper, and the family are all doing well, thank goodness, and knock wood. Looking forward to doing some scrolling to see what you all have been up to! :hug:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-20 3:27 AM
So glad to hear of your new job! Yes, there is both good stress and bad stress and great that you are experiencing the good kind. :hug:
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-20 10:20 AM
I was just thinking about you yesterday and thinking it'd been an awfully long time since I'd heard from you.  It's great to hear from you! :hug:
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-20 5:03 PM
Hey! More details about the new job? Are you still in a high school, or doing some other kind of teaching?

Glad to hear that things are feeling so much more positive. Eustress is much nicer than distress, any day. :hug: Ear rubs and kisses to my pal, Oscar, and big congratulatory hugs to you for making the move!
Parent - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-10-20 10:04 PM
:happy:
Parent - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-22 7:38 AM
I'm glad that the new job is going well overall and hope that it's less stressful as you get used to it! :hug:
Parent - By tritri Date 2018-10-23 1:20 PM
Great that the new job is going well!  :grin:

About that knee: there is a thing you can do for the quadricept tendons; I had similar issues with both the ITB and QT freaking out on me and pulling my patella where it shouldn't have gone, causing pain.  This technique helped a ton!  Good luck!  Bodies just need to behave and let us have our fun!
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-10-24 4:17 PM
:hug:I'm so glad your new job is going well.
- - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-20 3:54 AM
Nice to see forumites we haven‘t seen in a  while. As some of may have seen on Facebook, I was just on a wonderful hiking trip in the Aeolian Islands just north of Sicily. It was incredibly beautiful, the group was small and really great and my body worked pretty well, I even managed to go up to the top of Stromboli! I have been dealing with a lot of fatigue lately so this was surpising and so wonderful. So there was lots of sunshine, laughter, good food and wine and great hiking, the perfect holiday!

But I have other news which I haven‘t discussed on Facebook – yet. H and I are finally breaking up, for real. Yes, I‘ve said this before but this time it has gone much further. I‘ve bought a new apartment and put my old one up for sale. He instigated this, I don‘t why it‘s happening now, maybe my fatigue has been annoying him (!), but I really feel it‘s time. A couple of years ago I would have been devasted but now I feel very strong and determined and well, relieved actually.

I‘m so tired of feeling like I‘m never good enough and I‘ve realzed it‘s not about me, it‘s about him.  He has serious emotional issues and I will never be able to change them. Never. He always blames me, I‘m too emotional, too much this and too much that, blablabla and I don‘t want to hear that ever again. At least I‘m trying, at least I‘m willing to listen and learn and try to do better but he‘s not.  So there‘s nothing more I can do.

My sister has been incredibly supportive in all this, she has offered me to stay at her place if and when I need to. My co-workers too, I told them early on. I also had a very good talk with one of my fellow travellers who divorced 3 years ago, our former partners sound so much alike! My new place is lovely, it‘s close to where I used to live but a bit more luxurious with an inside parking space, I will move in December. I think this will be a good change for me and I‘m excited. :grin:
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-20 10:23 AM
Your trip looked amazing!

I'm glad to hear you are doing what is right for you as far as H is concerned.  Best of luck with the transition. :hug:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-21 4:07 AM Edited 2018-10-21 4:15 AM
Thank you. :hug: I'm sure it's better for both of us. ETA: that trip was one of the best ever!
Parent - - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-20 4:08 PM
I'm sorry but I totally understand. I could just leave now and I don't think I'd ever really miss my DH. I would not move out now due to not screwing Gavin (he has been through enough) but when he goes off to college I might just find myself my own place - not saying divorce but I would love to live on my own. I always said people should get married and live in separate houses. He is very rigid and it's just gotten worse since Evan died.
Parent - - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-21 4:11 AM
I totally understand your situation too. :hug: We don't have children together and that makes it so much easier. H is very rigid too and I'm sick of fighting over every little thing and look forward to not having to do that. Rigidness tends to get worse with age too, I think. H and I should probably not have moved in together, but I don't regret it because I would have always thought "what if". He is being a lot friendlier now and hopefully we can be friends when all this has blown over.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-21 11:16 AM
My DH and I get along MUCH better when we don't live together. The year he moved out was probably one of the smoothest ever. We probably should have moved on at that point. But it is what it is.
Parent - - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-20 5:05 PM
I identify hugely with that feeling of relief after making the final break. It says you did the right thing. Hugs and lots of support, Gunna. :hug:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-21 4:12 AM
Thanks.:hug: You of course know how that feels. It was incredibly difficult, even with no kids and no financial worries, I can't imagine what it's like when things are more complicated. I'm getting lots of support and that helps so much.
Parent - - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-22 7:40 AM
Your trip sounds amazing. I may have to friend you so I can see the pictures! :blush:

I'm really sorry to hear about you and H. It sounds like you are in a good place with things and I'm glad you have a strong support network. Sending you hugs and more strong vibes. :hug:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-24 6:46 AM
Go ahead! I would love to be friends, you can pm your name, mine is pretty common over here. I'm fine actually, I think it will be better for both of us, but thanks. :hug:
Parent - - By stormcatcher (celebrate with me) Date 2018-10-22 8:38 AM
:hug:
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-24 6:46 AM
:grin:
Parent - - By tritri Date 2018-10-23 1:21 PM
Your hike looked seriously cool!  I am jealous!  So incredibly beautiful!

Sorry to hear about you and H.  A good decision, but these things are always difficult.  :hug:  Glad you have support and feeling relief is an excellent indicator of making the right decision.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-24 6:47 AM
Yes, having support makes a big difference. My sis and I have had our ups and downs, but she's really there for me now.
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-24 12:17 PM
I am always sorry to hear that a relationship has run its course, however it is the decision of the parties involved and it sounds as if you and he have made the right one. You have tried. He won't change. If he's convinced that the problems are all the fault of the other person, that usually says that the issues are bilateral.

Glad you are in a position to move and you have supportive family and friends. Good luck with the move!
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-26 5:28 AM
Thank you. :hug: Yes, I'm pretty sure we are doing the right thing. I've tried everything I can think of but he's not willing to try at all. So that's that. I've actually felt happier lately than I have in a long time.
Parent - - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-10-24 4:19 PM
:hug:I will have to look at your pictures. You are strong and I am glad you are taking care of yourself.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-26 5:29 AM
:hug: I've never felt stronger.:happy:
Parent - - By kelly_v Date 2018-10-26 7:41 AM
Congrats on making big decisions, I love reading about how you feel strong and determined that is a great springboard into this new chapter.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-28 6:11 AM
Thanks! I'm kind of surprised how strong I feel in this situtation, but I'm taking that as a sign I'm making the right decision.
- - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-20 4:12 PM
I took my PMP exam today and Passed and even Passed "Above Target" (4th quartile) yay! I did put in a lot of work and studying. When I came home Gavin first thing says "did you pass"? I could NOT have not passed and faced that boy! Then he asked if this will get me more money or promotion at work....:roll: not really. It was more just to learn something new and enhance my skills. Remind me next time I want to enhance my skills to take a sushi rolling class instead of a 6 week course that met for 8 hours every Saturday and ended in a 200 question 4.5 hour exam....:cry:

But it was a good example to G. I would study next to him while he did his homework and he got to see an example of someone that studied and the work paid off instead of a parent just giving studying lip service.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-21 4:14 AM
Yes, great parenting there! :hug: Also, it's so great for self-esteem to set a difficult goal and then accomplish it.
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2018-10-21 12:48 PM
Congratulations :cool:

Yes on the example for G. My mum was finishing a second masters whilst I was in years 5 and 6, and it made a real impact to see her working on her projects as I did home work.
Parent - By laxrunner Date 2018-10-22 7:42 AM
Congratulations! Way to set a good example for Gavin. :cool:
Parent - By tritri Date 2018-10-23 1:22 PM
:cool:  Good for you!
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-10-24 4:20 PM
Congratulations!
Parent - By kelly_v Date 2018-10-26 7:42 AM
Congrats!! that's awesome!
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-27 8:17 PM
Congratulations, what is PMP?
- - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-23 3:33 PM
This is RR too a bit...I got new socks I tried the Bombas. They are SO COMFY. I haven't run in them yet but I worked out in them at the gym and they seem great.
For every pair they sell the company donates a pair to a homeless shelter.
Parent - - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-23 4:14 PM
What is it that makes them comfy?  Are they thin?  Cushy?  Elasticy?  I have some socks that are starting to wear out, so I'm interested to hear what you like about them.  I mean, aside from donating socks to shelters, which is an obvious positive.
Parent - By NotSoFast [ca] Date 2018-10-24 5:08 AM
They are cushy the ones I bought - there are different kinds. I have been reading about them for a while and decided to buy a pair. Again I have not run in them yet.

https://bombas.com/
- - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-24 12:20 PM
Kit kats are doing well. Namor has an appointment on Thursday to become "No Nuts No More Namor". And Neutrino got herself into trouble again yesterday.

We have a plywood chair in the living room that has 2.5" holes in the back and seat. Neutrino got her little kitten skull through one of the holes but could not get it out. DS and DSBF heard the yowling and came to investigate. They tried to pull her out (didn't work), pry her out (likewise), saw her out (not good for the chair and the poor little kitten panicked at the sawing noise), and finally put the chair and kitten in the van and drove to the clinic.

Front desk lady knows us and when she stopped laughing she summoned help from the back of the clinic, four people came out and they all laughed then took Neutrino (and chair) in the back. DS heard "Do we have a saw?" from the back and yelled "We tried that!" Finally they succeeded in extricating her with the aid of a solution of dish detergent and water to lube her head and pull her out. Then she had to have the detergent rinsed out of her fur, which meant a full-on bath with lots of nice warm water. She felt quite sorry for herself after that!

I could have suggested a non-greasy, nontoxic lubricant to help ease her head out of the hole, but I think DS would have been mortified buying K-Y.

This is the same kitten who got taken out with the recycling and spent several hours in the bin. She should come with a warning label!
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2018-10-24 2:04 PM
Poor Neutrino!!! Maybe you should have named her "Seven of Nine" since she's probably already on her seventh out of nine lives...
Parent - By runningteach [us] Date 2018-10-24 4:21 PM
That must have been a sight.
Parent - By swandive [us] Date 2018-10-24 4:47 PM
:laugh::cry:  Neutrino would likely get along with my niece who twice got her leg stuck in a child gate on the stairs because she thought it was a good idea to try to get over/through and didn't adequately understand the size of her body relative to the size of the hole.
Parent - By Gunna [is] Date 2018-10-26 5:30 AM
Lucky kitties to be with you. :hug:
Parent - By kelly_v Date 2018-10-26 7:43 AM
:shocker!::laugh:
Parent - - By runnertype [us] Date 2018-10-27 11:13 AM
I read this and thought, you've got some good kids there.:hug: I mean, I know they are technically adults, but.....
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2018-10-30 5:00 PM
They are technically adults but they are still young enough to think "we need a grownup!" when they don't know what to do. :hug:
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