Feel free to start a new thread whenever...
How do you (and/or your spouse or other people involved in decision-making) approach projects? Let's say medium- to large-sized projects that will require a series of decisions to be made. Say, redoing a bathroom, though I suppose even a fairly small and inconsequential project like making supper might employ very similar decision-making strategies.
I'm wondering because I've started musing about a potential project that, if it happens, would likely involve a couple thousand dollars of investment as well as several weeks of work, so not massive, but also not inconsequential. While this project is still entirely in my head, I'm already thinking about myriad considerations and weighing different options. I will spend hours researching, pricing materials, and coming up with what I believe to be the best plan before anyone else involved in decision-making knows that this project actually exists. Even if I draw out detailed plans and all the rest, there's some chance that the project will never happen. I tend to approach micro-projects, like making supper, in a similar way. I figure out what's on sale, what I can make with it, etc. But I end up entirely befuddled by people with vague ideas of what they want (say, a bookshelf) who then can't decide how deep or how tall they want the shelves to be.
2018-07-03 3:46 AM
I'm a lot like you, I spend a good amount of time collecting ideas and figuring out what the options are and then when it's time to make decisions, that happens fairly quickly and I usually stick to what I've decided. But I know lot of people do this differently. It drives me crazy when people can't decide. I've had clients like that and it costs so much extra work. Luckily, H and I usually agree on how we want things to be, the problem here is that he wants to do everything himself and then doesn't have the time.
So is this something in your parents' home?
What I find most helpful with people like that is to go with the old toddler parenting. "Here are two options. Pick one." That way you have controlled what the options are and yet they have had input.
But I am also firmly in the camp of, whoever is in charge of the project is "in charge" and unless the rest of the team wants to put in the same work, they get toddler options only.
All parties have to agree that the project is worth doing in the first place and if one party has been researching and ruminating for months, it's only fair to give the other parties time to get used to the idea and then voice opinions.
So... Ok, it's complicated is the takeaway.
I have used the 2-options-pick-one when there is another person who is indecisive.... usually works well.
I take the same approach as you I think. Before approaching others or even letting them know what I am mulling, I have all the options evaluated and chosen, along with what might go wrong and how to either stop it from doing so or deal with the fall-out and make back up plans. I will have done the research and planning, knowing that I might decide the project is not going to happen after all, or not happen until far later. Smaller projects like food planning are the same in that I determine what is fresh, seasonal, on sale for that reason, etc. and what needs to be used first to prevent spoilage, how I can combine the items, etc. Even though there is no list or plan, the available ingredients are acquired, considered, and then a plan is made before actual food preparation happens.
And yes to the frustration on those who start with only a vague idea of what the outcome will be.
Ah, the tried and true approach.
2018-07-03 12:46 PM
We tend to do things together. DH is more of a dreamer, so he researches things on his own for quite a while without talking about it. Once we decide to do things, we discuss the scope of things and start planning. Then we usually do things together, going to Home Depot, etc, to work on the project. I tend to be the one who arranges things and reads directions. He does more of the technical stuff.
2018-07-03 1:36 PM
By DH dreaming, I mean he one-ups the requirements until we can't afford the thing. The whole thing gets delayed for years. Eventually, we can afford what we (he) really wants, or we limit the project. Right now we need to redo our deck. We could just replace broken boards, or we can replace a lot of boards, or we could redo and extend the deck. He chose the most expensive option and now the broken board on the stairs is a $20K project.
So, he is going to do it himself, with his brother, so it will be much cheaper, but who knows when. Meanwhile, one stair step is missing a board.
I kind of understand where your DH is coming from.
The decking boards on the front stairs need to be replaced, so I'm thinking about completely tearing out and reworking the stairs and turning a small portion of lawn beside the stairs (approximately 11'x15') into a garden.
I haven't quite gotten up to $20k, though.
2018-07-03 4:24 PM
Replacing our sink became 7k, so I TOTALLY get it!!
That is one of the best aspects of being a widow. I do not need to seek a spouse's approval.
I do involve the other residents of this house, especially if the project will affect them, but final decisions are mine. I'm paying the piper so I get to call the tune.
A lot of research is done for most major projects, and I like to have everyone who's going to be involved feel like they have input and some say in the project. We all agreed on creating a new bedroom for DSBF, for instance, and he picked paint colours.
A soggy hello from Rainland here.
It's official now, we just had the worst June in over a 100 years. And this is in comparison to normal summers in Iceland!
At the same time Norway, Sweden and Denmark are bone dry and worrying about forest fires. My garden is a mess, not much you can do when it's just mud and nothing much happening in the greenhouse since it's so cold. I'm in no hurry to go on vacation while it's like this. I'd like to go abroad but July is expensive and of course everybody else here is trying to get away. We'll hopefully go someplace sunny this fall.
2018-07-03 1:38 PM
That's not a fun summer! We have dry, hot, and windy. I don't remember it being so windy or so hot in June before. We even had an all time record high of 105.
There are fires in the state.
Hopefully, the sun will visit you soon.
Ugh, I wish you could manage to quit hogging the rain and send some to your neighbors!
2018-07-04 3:34 AM
Yes, that would be great.
2018-07-06 12:50 PM
The weather we experienced recently in Norway was the best I have ever seen...for vacationing. For farming, maybe not so much.
2018-07-09 4:17 AM
Yes, just as it's been unusually horrible over here, it's been unusually good over there. No not great for farming and people are also worried about forest fires.
2018-07-03 9:13 AM
2018-07-03 9:16 AM
Anyone have a suggestion for workout shorts for those with an unflattering midsection? My spare tire seems to be growing and my Nike tempo running shorts just accentuate it. I like shorts bc it is too hot for capris/pants when I workout but those fit the best. Are there some sort of high waisted workout shorts that are still comfortable?
Edit: non-spandex/compression shorts. I do have some of those for my occasional runs but I need something for just random gym stuff
I like the C9 from Champion, sold at Target, but not sure how high waisted they are.
no suggestions, but lots of sympathy.
in the summer - I run in just a bra and shorts. Because of allergies, I have to carry a waist pack too and boy does it NOT look good.
I'm no help either. I don't think that any two pairs of shorts I own are the same and none of them are high-waisted.
I suggest the fuck off fairy and who the hell cares what you look like? I've got 2 spare tires but I run in jog bra and shorts all summer and just don't care anymore. 30-40 more years I'll be underground anyway.
2018-07-09 10:11 AM
It's my last day at work before I take my "summer vacation." I'm taking several days off for my wedding (which is Sunday!) and then another four or so weeks off for surgery and recuperation. It was a difficult decision, but I decided to get the double mastectomy and reconstruction.
For those of you who have taken medical leave from work, did you take your email off your phone during that period? I've told my office I will be fully offline for two weeks and then will start doing limited emailing from home until I'm ready to go back. Even though I've set that expectation, I like the idea of leaving email on my phone so I can keep tabs on what's going on. But no one (outside of work) seems to agree with me on that. I'd be interested to hear what others have done. The timing is not great work-wise due to recent staff transitions and our annual audit.
When I was on maternity leave I kept it on my phone. Part of it was just to feel included and know what was going on and part of it was to delete the random crap so I didn't come back to 2,000 emails.
I think it depends on you and how you work. If you can have it on there just to keep tabs, go for it. If you're someone who will want to reply or be involved then get rid of it.
That’s good advice. Your first paragraph is how I feel though it may take some good restraint to keep myself from responding. Maybe it’ll be easy once I’m in pain.
2018-07-03 1:32 PM
Congratulations on the impending wedding.
Good luck with the surgery. When I have taken medical leave, I have not had email. In fact, most of the time, they take away your accounts, so you can't email if you want to. They want you to concentrate on recovering. But I have received calls with questions that only I could answer. I let them know if I was too drugged up to remember correctly...
Thanks! I hope no one calls me!
Congratulations on your (impending) wedding! I hope that it is a wonderful day for you. And best wishes for the surgery.
Congratulations on getting married and I wish you all the best for your surgeries.
I don't have advice for you, sorry.
2018-07-03 4:25 PM
Turn off your phone. Work will go on without you.
Congrats on your wedding, enjoy. Wishing you surgeons with steady hands and an anesthesiologist with a delicate touch.
Yes to both of these. Work told me the same thing: We appreciate having you, we value you, but take care of yourself now. Work will go on without you, and we will welcome you back when you are healed.
Our colleagues who are on short term disability (usually maternity leave) have been told that they cannot access their email at all, because that's considered working and that could affect their eligibility for disability pay. This may be a California law, I'm not sure.
I would recommend staying offline. Let your colleagues handle it. If you have access to your email they will be wondering what you want them to handle and what you will take care of, and that can delay responses to clients and vendors.
Timing may not be great but it seems there is never a great time to take leave.
Congratulations on the wedding, hope the surgery and recuperation go well.
That’s interesting. Our short term disability is managed internally so it’s not that strict. I’ve had coworkers split time between work and short term disability in the same day in certain circumstances and that’s my plan after a couple of weeks depending on how I’m feeling.
Thanks for the well wishes!
It’s actually how it should work since you are working you should be getting paid for any of that time. Not just a CA thing although I bet employers pay for attention in states with paid leave laws.
I think the lines get blurred with our 24/7 connected workplaces these days.
echoing Arimathea - check with your employer, there are likely rules about this (and I am NY based)
2018-07-05 10:04 AM
NY and CA the bane of my existence when it comes to employment law
My Very Best Wishes for a speedy and uneventful recovery from your surgery and a wonderful wedding!
Yes, my email was off my phone for last summer whilst I was on medical leave. Work insisted on it, and after the surgery I was frankly in no shape to even pick up the phone let alone be coherent on email. Surgery does drain the body. If for no other reason, it might be worth taking email off your phone to eliminate temptation to check it when you might not be at your best in terms of processing ability and responses. Also, responding may leave people confused as to whether you are 'on call' or not - when you are intended to be recovering from the surgery. They might start contacting you and expecting responses when you cannot give them if you give a little when you might be tempted to do so.
Another argument against BYOD. Difficult to take work programs off it.
Congratulations on your wedding and of course best to you on your surgery.
If you are taking leave concurrent with FMLA you should not be allowed to work that could jeopardize your job protection. Not only is the company not supposed to contact you, if you contact them or clients, HR is supposed to remind you that during FMLA you should not be working. This is unrelated to STD which may or may not follow the same guidelines depending on your state laws and STD contract.
very interesting - I did not know this.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding and good luck and a speedy recovery from surgery.
My work blocked all incoming emails when using FMLA. I transitioned back after maternity leave and spent a day or so going through emails to clear them out.
I'm the wrong person to ask your question. I have a very hard time unplugging. The healthy choice would probably be to not check in at all.
hi friends - I know I've been MIA for awhile! P and I were on a 10 day road trip and I took a much needed computer break. Did a fair amount of walking on the trip with her until... Sunday we were driving home, and it was beastly hot, and I started feeling pretty lightheaded and yucky. Made it home, but it's only gotten worse with this abominable heat. I'm 26 weeks preggo today. Went to a midwife appt on Monday and my BP is super super super low. The low point for BP tends to occur around this point in pregnancy, and the heat likely brought it on. Since it is July in SE PA, the heat isn't going anywhere for awhile. To make a not so long but kinda boring story short, I'm now on modified bed rest
and I am to avoid the outdoors until my BP symptoms improve. My midwife is hopeful that this will happen by 30 weeks but no guarantees. I'm allowed to do modified prenatal yoga (nothing that has me even slightly inverted - so no down dog, nothing in a plank pose) if I feel ok. And that's it. Sigh. I truly truly appreciate now, in a way that I really did not before, how easy my pregnancy was with P! Yeah, run-walking 7 miles the day before I went into labor like I did with P - the thought of that truly amazes me now.
-posting from the couch with my legs elevated
but it's worth it for a healthy baby. Sigh.
Ugh, sorry about the BP issues.
I'm sure P is totally
understanding of you being on bed rest, though.
oh yeah. She likes to get on the bed and bounce. I do a lot of protecting the belly
every pregnancy is different. take care of yourself and baby you will be back and strong again.
Take care of yourself and baby.
Modified bed rest with a 2 year old. Yeah RIGHT. Good luck with that one.
ha. I know. Basically it means no exercise and staying inside as much as I can during the heat of the day. Thank goodness for childcare. And I'm all about making DH feel guilty about not doing enough
Nah, he's been great. Problem is, he has 3 herniated discs that are acting up, so he's kinda out of commission right now too
Sorry to hear about the bed rest. Hope the BP does what it's supposed to soon.
I'm about 10 weeks ahead of you and have the finish line in sight, for better or worse...
Yikes, you're getting close! All best wishes for L&D and for adjusting to life with 2
Funnily enough, the clock in my office stopped working a couple of days ago...
Take care of yourself
Today I bought an $0.82 container of "all purpose spice." It comes from a local market that doesn't list ingredients (but has insanely cheap spices), so I'm looking forward to being surprised.
In other grocery-related oddness, the avocados I bought at Kroger had stickers on them. If you scanned the sticker, they came up as mangoes.
Even more confusingly, if you didn't scan the sticker but instead entered the produce number printed on the same sticker
, they did in fact register as avocados.
I'm curious to hear how the spice tastes.
2018-07-05 4:35 PM
2018-07-05 4:37 PM
Hope the spice is appealing. All purpose? You can put it on your melon, in your cookies, stir it into a savory eggplant stew...
And while this probably isn't something you intended, apparently there is a lot of avocado-spoofing going on at self-check counters. People buy avocados but put in the code for carrots (among the cheapest vegetables on a per pound basis) to pay 19 cents a pound rather than $1.99. Some stores have shown up as selling about 3-4x the amount of carrots the wholesaler has reported delivering to them.
2018-07-05 4:37 PM
2018-07-05 4:41 PM
It's definitely got a lot of red, so I'm guessing paprika or something. I'm thinking it's the type of thing that would work well on roasted veggies, but I don't plan to try it in cookies.
ETA: I always
use self-check if that is an option, but never intentionally cheat the system. When my avocados ($0.69/each) rang up as mangoes ($1.50 each), I called the attendant over, but I would've done the same if I noticed that they had instead rung up as cucumbers or carrots. I just use self-check because it's usually faster and I like bagging my own groceries.
You people and your cheap avocados. $7 each!!!
hope you're bathing in the stuff.
what???? I think it's a rip-off when they go over $1.50!
O.M.G. I'd be broke! Avocados are one of P's fave foods - we go through at least 1/day.
One of the downsides of being on a remote island. A bad crop and avocados become more expensive than caviar.
Yuck. Should I ship over my share? I don't like 'em.
How big a trebuchet would I need?
The unnerving things about self-checkouts are that the voice BARKS at you and the machine GRABS the bills.
Our grocery wants us to self scan the barcodes on the store cards, but I rebel. Not only did I have to constantly do that all day at work, but the old scanners broke so easily (and I would have to repair/install them. NO MORE!
I always get stuck in a "please remove item from the bagging area!" Loop and have to wait for rescue.
"please move item to the bagging area"
rustle the bag, take the thing out, put it back."The weight is not correct, please put the correct item in the bag"
rustle the bag again, take it out, put it back"please remove the unscanned item. All items must be scanned before placing in the bagging area"
grumble under my breath, rustle the bag again"thank you. you may now continue scanning"
scan the next item (beer)"You have selected an age-restricted item. Help is required for this item. Please wait for assistance"
grumble again and wait for the nice cashier to come over and verify that yes - I am indeed as old as dirt
I'm pretty sure that's one of the circles of hell.
Yes to the first 3. Have never continued to the other stages....
We aren't in home state and were shopping in a state where alcohol is actually sold at grocery stores and avoided self checkout not knowing what craziness would result.
If barcode fails to scan more than twice it's free.
I declare it is free and bag it
And then the self-check yells about you about unscanned items in the bagging area.
Fuck off fairy ignores all yelling - you don't get a 3rd strike in bagging.
And here you have the reason I mostly stand in line
2018-07-11 12:10 PM
Was at the Waffle Shoppe Friday morning with my *five year-old* and thought of you
Miss Baby is Miss Kindergartner?
Just about, she starts in August.
but, but, but, she is still a...babe!
Signed, mother of a college sophomore and h.s. junior
(Hi right backatcha!
Great to see you!
The machines can be annoyingly sensitive about bagging items too slowly (you know, because it takes a half-second to move the item from the scanner to the bagging area) and gets super annoyed if I want to use too many
of my own bags or need to shift the bags around as I'm checking out. Still, that's overall preferable to someone else doing a lousy job of bagging my groceries.
2018-07-06 7:15 PM
And I use self checkout because I don't like people and it means I don't. Have to chit chat
Agreed - avoiding interactions and small talk is always a plus.
Yes, like the last time someone decided it was sensible to put my bag of ripe figs at the bottom of the bag, and place potatoes and a jar of kimchi on top of said figs....
I like self check out, but have been using a cashier because a friend pointed out that the self checkouts take away cashier jobs.
I feel the same way. Besides, at least in my state, you have to use a cashier lane if you are buying alcohol.
We have been at resort waterpark hell all week for O's dance. Small town means lack of great eating for a gluten free vegetarian so we have made many frozen pizzas and ate at the same place multiple times. I ran (and won
) a 10K on the 4th and met some great runners in the area giving me advice on non tourist places to see. Dance related she did great with her solo getting a judges award and her group ballet made it to finals tomorrow (one of 5 groups) meaning a late start to our long drive home but super exciting for the girls. DH and I found a great local winery and today hiked and explored a park recommended by a runner I met at the race.
Back to reality early Monday and starting to move all our stuff to storage.
GF + vegan is difficult if you aren't in a big city. I'm imagining a lot of ingenuity with grocery store items and hotel appliances.
I guess the upside of being in a smaller town is the opportunity to win a race!
Actually that doesn't sound like hell at all. You won a 10K, you met new friends, did some non tourist stuff and found a winery! (and you had a waterpark but I love those things!)
2018-07-09 3:57 PM
MCF and I were down at the Oregon coast last week-- stayed in Seaside. It was so beautiful and so relaxing. I got to remember why I like him.
We had a great AirBNB so self-catered the whole time, which was both wonderful for shabbat and for saving money and eating healthy- as vegetarian travel food is often a lot of pizza. Saturday we walked about 7 miles up and down the beach. It was so beautiful.
Interesting observation-- the Tsunami warning and preparedness stuff is EVERYWHERE on the coast now. I don't remember it being so prevalent on past visits to the coast. Every place we went had a sign about what to do in a tsunami from that location. Our AirBNB hosts even told us their personal plan, as well as what our plan should be for our "house". Earthquake info is not this prevalent in Seattle and is probably more likely than a tsunami on the coast.
2018-07-10 6:52 AM
Great that you had a good time with YCF.
Since I work in a safety-related place, I'm glad they have those warnings. When I was in California, I noticed a lot of signs for rip-tides also, something I haven't seen before. It often takes just a little bit of information and forethought to save lives. They should definitely do more in the Seattle are, I would think.
My guess is a lot of people took that New Yorker article in 2015 to heart.
And while earthquake may be more likely than tsunami, because not every earthquake results in a tsunami but I believe just about all tsunamis are caused by major geological events (earthquake, landslide), you're more likely to survive the former than the latter.
2018-07-18 4:21 PM
After two weeks of not swimming due to travel for pleasure, work, and a cold, I now have significant ear pain due to the cold. Anyone have thoughts about when it is safe to swim again with congested ears?
As long as you are not diving, I've never thought there was any danger?
How many more days until ministicky 2.0 arrives?
Seriously. Though holy moly, I want my body back.
Another episode in the children's books that did not age well:
Mini picked out a book from the free library box at the park. Title: Little Ms. Chatterbox. OK...starting off sexist, but he wanted to read it so I grit my teeth dive in...until we get to a brown character called "Mr. Uppity".
Oh yes. We started down the rabbit hole of those books and I got out as quickly as possible. Also beware of Berenstain Bears (particularly “too much junk food”)
2018-07-13 7:42 AM
Terhune (of Lad, a dog fame) does not hold up well either.
But what do you do with things like Laura Ingalls Wilder and Twain and Lee?
I'm really torn on these. "Little House on the Prairie" - the entire series was part of my reading as a kid and at the time, I didn't see it as racist, I saw it as a look at how people of that time thought. I understand that it does contain messages that we don't want people absorbing (that native americans are to be feared), but I don't like the idea of banning it.
2018-07-13 12:46 PM
I think kids can handle those. A simple explanation of, "people used to think X, isn't that stupid?" did the trick with my son. I think kids absorb their parent's attitudes more than anything else.
2018-07-13 4:29 PM
And they are for older kids, so there is more conversation opportunity.
Gavin and I are in SF / HMB this week - finally vacation! Photos are all over FB so feel free to friend me if you want to see a ton of photos. I did not take my running gear I'm just walking and I think we did about 5 miles yesterday. I am not renting a car have decided I can figure out the transit system which seems really easy and so far between that and walking we are all good. I will probably only need uber once.
2018-07-19 10:08 AM
Hope you had fun! What is HMB?
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