2018-02-12 10:54 AM
So apparently there is a "holiday" where you celebrate the love for your gal pals. Post your NRR and/or what you love about the gal pals here!!
2018-02-12 3:12 PM
Mom's birthday cake was delicious, even if the frosting was too sweet. I learned something about genache as well!
I noticed my arms in the shower this morning and my muscles are popping, from synchro I'm guessing.
Day after synchro is "eat everything in sight" day. I prepared better today than last monday and brought 4 "meals" each high in protein, to help me make it through.
Seattle has sun!! It is cold, but BRIGHT out!
That's pretty much my life.
And I don't think a day goes by that I don't say "one of my running friends..."
when telling a story or solving a problem!
I started my new position 2 weeks ago but today was the first day in the office. Despite having to drive to the other side of the city there was minimal traffic, yay! It will take a bit to adjust to working a couple long days a week out of the house again, fitting in workouts, getting O to activities, etc but I think it will all be good.
2018-02-13 5:20 PM
"Galentines" is an interesting concept. I kinda think we already celebrate it all the time already, don't you? I didn't have a lot of female friends until I was getting into trail racing. I think this was the first venue in which I met women I felt were really on the same wavelength...self-actuated athletes with brains, varied life experience, lots of wisdom, good humor, etc. I am lucky to have all of you, and my trail club friends, and now my nerd friends in the smiting world. And I feel like with my female friends, we all tell each other pretty easily what we like about each other, which is amazing.
I have a lot of male friends, too, but the friendships are different. Guys show a lot of affection for each other, too, but it is frequently more subtle. This weekend, though, I broke the bro code and directly told one of my smiting friends, whom I hadn't seen in a while, how much I like seeing him, and it was nice to have that said out loud for once. With my female friends, though, it's ALWAYS "OMG, I MISS YOUR FACE...!!!"
So....I am coming up on my first Valentine's Day with my new hubby. He is going to make dinner for Eldest and me, but I am making a dark chocolate pot de creme dessert for all of us, and I got him a card and chocolates, and also a card and candy for Eldest. He tells me what a good stepmom I am for Eldest, and she clearly feels comfortable with me. That is nice to hear from him, given what I failure I feel like with own child. I wish I could get him something for Valentine's Day, too, but I don't think he would welcome it right now.
Today was one of those days when I had a semi-manageable to-do list, except I ended up spending the entire day working on an entirely unrelated category of (urgent) projects.
I did finally manage to get the gutters cleaned out, which I've been needing to do for a couple of months... Now I have today's list and
tomorrow's list to try to accomplish tomorrow. That's unlikely to happen...
Oh, as far as Galentines goes, one of my good friends has a birthday a couple of days after Valentine's Day. In college she declared her birthday to be International Single People Get Laid Day.
ha on your friend! how successful was she usually?
I am going to walk with a gal pal in the park right now. I have a lot of stuff to chew over right now, mostly about my family situation, and my relationship with my son. Ever since Elmtree went nuclear on me and told me what a bad mom I am (thanks Elmie! *kisses*) it's been a lot harder to post here any thoughts or feelings on this topic.
But yeah. She's right. I *am* a bad mom. Also, according to Twinzilla, I was a bad wife to XH. In fact, Twinzilla hammered on both points, that I am a bad mother and a bad wife, when she was goading me to commit suicide three weeks ago, and I did in fact overdose. I don't remember any of it because I very nearly succeeded, but I DO remember that the loss of relationship with my son has been a source of intense pain for me, and to find out that Twinzilla and XH have been encouraging Ratbag to cut contact with me, and inflaming him against me, and trying to keep any information about him away from me for over a year now...yeah. That was not okay. Ratbag is talking with T-bone now, thank God, and we are getting a picture of what was actually happening.
I am INTENSELY angry, especially as I dig deeper into my family dynamics and identify the toxic pattern of interactions that I have lived with, and normalized, for way too long. I am seeing a therapist now, and last night's session just has me feeling crankier and angrier, especially since T-bone and I are going to be encountering both Twinzilla and NB this weekend. Today's reading is about "how to limit interactions with toxic people", i.e. prep for seeing Twinzilla. What I'd really like to do is rip her larynx out for trying to poison my son against me, but the actual advice is mostly to stay calm and not engage. Wish me luck.
All i have are
for you and thinking good thoughts as you work through all of this. You're a strong woman
2018-02-15 1:27 PM
Sorry you are going through that and of course you're not a bad mom or wife. You've been through a tough time and you can't help anybody else unless you are well yourself.
It's a good sign that Ratbag is talking to T-bone, you seem to have had a very close relationship with him before all this happened and I'm sure it will get back to that again.
2018-02-15 1:35 PM
2018-02-15 6:04 PM
Get over yourself, C. My being painfully honest with you and saying what many are thinking isn't the source of your problem.
Someone encouraging you to commit suicide is terrible, and I'm sorry that happened to you.
But don't you dare act like the problem with all of these people is them/me. It's you. You are selfish. You are condescending. You are so incredibly full of yourself that I was shocked at how awful I found you to be when we finally met.
Cut the passive aggressive bullshit and shove your pity party up your ass. I don't give a crap what you or anyone else thinks about me.
Wow, that was really harsh. And mean.
I've never met either of you but I doubt anyone deserves that.
I've met both Elmtree and Zipper. And up to this point I liked and respected both of you.
Elizabeth, that was absolutely unnecessary. I'm sorry you posted that. Not sure who the "many" are who you are referring to; please speak for yourself and don't presume to think you represent the majority.
I never presumed as such nor did I imply I was speaking for the majority.
Nor do you get to be the judge of the forum and tell me what I did was wrong. Sure you can say it, but you don’t get to decide what is or is not necessary for me.
Given the sensitive nature of what is written here - and I may be the only one who worries about this stuff, so feel free to ignore - in both posts above people resorted to real names. I know we're a tiny part of the internet univerre, but perhaps that is something that can be changed by the powers that be?
I was incredibly harsh, but I’m not going to lie and applaud someone for bettering themselves and taking not so subtle digs at me.
Nobody is asking you to lie or applaud. But there are other options than that or to lash out like you did. Like just letting it go. That would be the mature way. You need to stop lashing out at people like that. I will not stand silently by while you treat people I consider my friends like dirt. I will call you out on that. You judge other people and call them condescending. Read your earlier post and tell us what is NOT condescending about it. I know you have problems with anxiety and I'm sorry for that but it doesn't give you the right to treat people like you do. This is not the first time (Nicole comes to mind) and it needs to stop. You of all people should know how much it can hurt.
I hope lashing out at me publicly has made you feel better when you could have been “mature” and let it go.
ETA: this has nothing to do with my anxiety, but good job bringing that into it.
I feel good about defending my friends, actually. I have nothing more to say about it. Now stop harrassing me on Facebook.
2018-02-17 9:09 AM
2018-02-17 9:20 AM
I wasn’t fucking harassing you. I was making an attempt at taking the majority of this conversation offline and you replied. Get over yourself.
Gunna wasn't lashing out at you. She was calling you out on behaviour that was cruel and mean, which was entirely appropriate.
Read this post from nicolet: http://www.runango.com/forums/topic_show.pl?pid=5795355#pid5795355.
Didn't you learn something from that encounter? Why is okay for you to come onto the forum and tell people they're "condescending" and "full of yourself," like you did to Zipper, but when anyone responds to you to suggest your own behaviour is out of line, you can't take it?
I can take it just fine. I think you missed the part about me not caring.
I’m done having this conversation now.
Wow, that was a trip down memory lane. Did you see that's the thread where easternshoregirl's husband proposed. And she just had kidlet #2.
I was trying to figure out why I didn't post at all on that thread, then realized I was living in a tent in NZ at the time.
2018-02-17 11:11 PM
I remember how strange it was not having you around, for months on end.
OMG I remember that. I am so old.
2018-02-17 11:10 PM
I know! It's so much fun going back into the forum archives - we've all known each other such a long time now.
I started posting on RWOL in May 2005 - that's almost 13 years ago now.
2018-02-18 2:48 AM
Exactly. i looked that one up too and realized that this was a pattern. A pattern that needs to stop.
Thanks, Elmie, for the brutal honesty. And I apologize: I have spent several years now getting upended and confronting a whole bunch of dysfunctional behavior in myself and my family. And I am trying to be better and healthier. If I was awful to you, I am sorry. If I was awful to anyone else, I apologize.
I'm not perfect either, by any stretch of the imagination, and I will happily admit that. I am glad that you are getting help and trying to improve. I've been neglecting my time with my therapist due to other things going on, and I probably should work on that as well.
I'm sorry to have put this out here so openly, but I just felt I had to address it.
I am happy for you that you're getting help and figuring out how to move forward in a way that's healthy for you. I think that will be invaluable in repairing your relationship with S.
Wow I am going to say you are both amazing people for being able to be honest and to come out as recognizing where both may be at certain points and where faults may lie. I can't even do that for myself. I have been a TERRIBLE wife in past year since Evan died. I have neglected my husband in my own anger and grief and pushed him away, been with other men, and been mean and spiteful. It is hard to look yourself in the eye and admit terrible things.
You have endured something that is probably among the worst things that can happen. No blame. No shame. You have survived and you have kept going for G. That is the most important thing you could have done.
Sorry for being so late to this thread but I want to concur with A. This was hard to write, I bet. You are OK just the way you are and we love you. Same goes for everyone else on this thread. No conditional love here-I'm just as flawed and in need of acceptance as anybody else.
2018-02-15 2:11 PM
2018-02-15 2:13 PM
I am so sorry to hear all of this. Family dynamics can be incredibly painful and the patterns so hard to break. As you've identified, the person who tries to change the dance often gets hugely scapegoated by the others.
I wish you could completely cut all ties with your relatives - as in, not see them ever again, but I wish you much strength for the upcoming weekend.
I am discussing with my therapist how far to limit contact with all of them. She supports no contact, or limited contact if I feel up to it.
Zip, I'm in no position to opine on the merits of your actions or relationships, as I really believe it is hard to do so unless one is the person actually inside the relationship. That is something I think only you can sort through, and it is far from easy. But I send you positive wishes that you can resolve this in a way that works for you and those who are important to you in your life.
Oh my Lord.
I am not going to post what I think of your sister on a public forum. She is a toxic bitch. And I am immensely glad that you did not succeed. You have so much going for you and T-bone is lucky to [still] have you. So is Ratbag. I'm sorry for him, since he is caught in the middle, with his aunt and his dad telling you untruths in an attempt to turn him against you and causing him to doubt his own intuition that you love him and always will.
You have a right to be very, very angry with your family, especially Twinzilla and your mom. And I am heartened to hear that Ratbag is talking with T-bone so there is still a line of communication open.
Do you have to see her? If it's absolutely unavoidable, agree, stay calm and not engage. But in this fragile state I think it would be better not to see her at all.
I would rather not see her at all, if it can be managed. "Fragile" is the right word. I feel about as durable as a soap bubble.
Yes, it is a really good thing that Ratbag and T-bone are communicating.
Agree, not seeing her would be ideal I think....is this mandatory attendance or can you just not go?
I was going to send you a PM, but couldn't figure out what to say. I know you've had some rough times over the past few years and I hate that things are still so difficult for you. You are not a bad mom and you are not a bad person. I think you are incredibly courageous for attempting to work on your problems.
2018-02-15 9:15 PM
2018-02-15 9:18 PM
I feel those that encourage cutting off in the way you describe are simply doing it out of anger, vengeance, etc and it's about that person and how they feel towards you. This situation just came up for me this past weekend. DD1 is having issues with her dad's side of the family. I can say DD1's dad is as selfish as they come and I've NEVER encouraged her to cut ties with him. I have told her she is an adult now and can choose who she wants in her life, etc. I told her I'd support her decision. If she wants him around and in her life I will be civil towards him. I'm really not a fan of one parent bashing another to the child (even if an adult). My SIL tried hard to cause a wedge between DD1 and I in the past and I can't stand her for it.because it wasn't her place nor did she ever do it with good intentions. I'm sorry for the pain they've caused you and the likely tension your son has to endure (it sucks for a kid to feel like he needs to choose one parent or is being disloyal if he likes both)
Can you just not go wherever it is? Is it really worth your mental health to put yourself tin that situation?
2018-02-16 8:40 AM
Sending you lots of love. I'll be off half of today and all of Monday if you want to get together. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. How your family is treating you is despicable.
2018-02-12 11:29 AM
I'm here so that the forum can talk me down out of potential anxious mom/helicopter parent mode. The forum has been a source of wise advise and counsel for me many times over the years, so in keeping with reebs' theme I'm thinking of this request as a tribute to the "gal pals" I have here!
2.0 got an email last week that she is eligible for a "sanctioned" spot on the provincial team going to the national biathlon championships. "Sanctioned" is a funny word in this context - it means that she's not automatically on the team, but has met the minimum eligibility criteria for being named. So, they will form the team out of the athletes who are automatically going (in 2.0's category, that's the top four girls), and then fill out the rest of the 35-member team with the sanctioned athletes, in descending order of performance in the season's races so far, until they hit the total of 35 members. So, 2.0 might be going to nationals, or might not - we'll know in a week.
Not everybody who has automatic eligibility, or sanctioned eligibility, will actually wind up on the team - sometimes people turn down spots for a variety of reasons. One girl turned down a spot last year because she was going on a school trip to France at the same time, for example. So, the email that went out last week indicated that she had to respond by today in order to express her interest. If she doesn't reply by today, she won't be considered for the team.
Going to Nationals is a huge dream of 2.0's - so much so that it has become almost counter-productive for her because at races she is so focused on having to do well, in order to qualify for Nationals, that she winds up overthinking and not doing nearly as well as she does in practice (obviously general race nerves, luck and skill play a role in this as well, but I have become convinced that the pressure she's putting on herself re: Nationals is playing a big role). We have a really strong biathlon program in this province and so she's always competing against some of the top biathletes in the country, so even making it onto the provincial team is a big accomplishment.
Anyway, she replied right away to the organizers that she would like to be considered for the team, but hasn't heard back - so, no confirmation that they received her email. Should I follow up with them to double-confirm, or should I just assume that her email got through and leave things be?
2018-02-12 1:11 PM
If anyone should follow up it is 2.0. This is a great time to practice adult skills. She should politely call the administrative assistant to the team (if there is one) and indicate that she had not heard back and wanted to make sure that the lack of confirmation of her email is not a sign that it did not get through. She should frame it as a possible misunderstanding and thank them for their time in helping her sort it out. This is what I'd advise her to do if it was a college issue.
And good luck to her!
Thanks, that's a really good point. I still tend to operate as if she's ten years old and needs me to do these things for her.
Agree with all of what reebs suggests.
Agreed. Definitely follow up, and with a phone call (yes I know many of her generation would rather gouge out their own eyes than pick up the phone and talk to someone) since time is of the essence.
2018-02-13 12:48 PM
Reebs is right.
Agree with reebs, have her follow up.
That's so cool what province are you in? (I think you are canadian, right?)
did she end up following up with them?
I had never heard of this purported holiday until seeing something in the newspaper on Saturday.
Sounds to me like an effort to make women buy things for each other rather than hinting to their partners or SOs that they should get gifts.
2018-02-13 12:49 PM
Actually it might work a lot better than with the SOs!
I thought of it as a time to hang out with your girlfriends not necessarily buy things for each other
Yeah my best gfs and I just have dinner together. No gifts
Has it even happened that one of the group has a closest friend who is male? Would that person attend the dinner, or is the purpose to celebrate female friends as a different sort than male friends rather than celebrating close friends regardless of gender?
oh it's nothing so rigid as that... more like, why should this silly holiday only celebrate romantic love? Let's celebrate friendship and get together! I don't have many close male friends, unfortunately - other than spouses/boyfriends of female friends - so it's really become a way for us to celebrate each other, that's all. I think if I did have a best male friend, he would be completely welcome.
This thread is the first that I've heard of it as well. I've been wondering what is to be done if a woman's closest friend is male? Can he be included? The title suggests not, but then it would undermine the goal of connecting with friends, no? Or is the goal to focus on one's female friends as of a different type than one's male friends rather than as a degree of closeness?
Gifting: Going down thought paths like this and thinking of gifts exchanged is when it always seems to me that it is not about a single declaration or action or statement in the moment/day, but a commitment to someone that kicks in across time, even when one wishes it didn't apply, or when one is exhausted. Sort of what one does when one does not want to in that moment, but makes the choice to do it anyway because of fidelity to that person. A type of continuing loyalty or support. Or is perhaps affection is what is being celebrated during this time and not fidelity, and so the action/gesture is in fact appropriate to the purpose of the day? I'm always puzzled by gift-giving as I've little to no experience receiving or giving them, so I am likely not the best one to read that aspect of things....
So yesterday I landed back on planet earth with a thud. Boom! I went to have my eyes checked since my right one seems to have become much worse recently, i.e. can't see much. It's a good thing I did because it turns out I only have 30% eyesight with that eye.
Luckily it's fixable, my lens (?) just needs to be changed. Unluckily it will cost a small fortune do it privately. Going with the public system would mean going on a waiting list for 1-2 years, only the right eye fixed now so the left one would have to be done later (each time missing some days of work, not being able to swim for a while etc.) and the most important thing: I can get a better lens if I pay for it. I think it's obvious which why I'll go, after all this will affect me all my waking hours for the rest of my life, but at the same time I think it's really unfair since not everybody can afford this. Plus the doctor said I've been driving illegally, I'm not supposed to drive without glasses, so I'm a criminal to boot!
Today was almost as fun, got my car stuck halfway out of the driveway this morning, and we're talking about a 4-wheel drive jeep! It's been snowing like crazy here and the snow on the streets gets pushed in front of our driveway. I won't describe everything that went wrong because of this but suffice to say I want to go back on vacation.
So yes, back to real life.
I'm glad you are getting attention for the eyes and that your situation is fixable. My mother also has a situation with only 20-30% vision in one eye and degenerating quickly, which can be very unsettling. They have unfortunately still not found a way to fix her condition that "sticks" - the deterioration returns after a bit and they try surgery again - but yours sounds much more manageable. The public vs private system... I can see why you would choose to go private for something like this, especially as you would get a better lens and a presumably more stable outcome. The eyes are so critical, it seems logical to do all possible to protect them.
Although it is a bit disheartening that the public system has a different standard/quality of care in situations like this when compared to private.
2018-02-14 10:03 AM
Yes, I'm very lucky to be able to afford this and yes, this is very managable. It just a bit suprising to get the news. But it'll be fine, it sound very similar to the lasik procedure which I had many years and that was pretty easy.
Is this a cataract, Gunna?
Yes, I think that's what this is, although of course the conversation took place in Icelandic. It's something I associate with much older people, so I'm a bit
. But easily fixed, thank goodness, and should last for the rest of my life.
2018-02-14 12:20 PM
yea that does sound like a cataract. Both of my parents had the surgery within the last 5 years and both said it was good. They both still need reading glasses but otherwise it has been great.
2018-02-15 5:18 PM
The surgery is pretty easy and uncomplicated, as I understand.
Little kids can have cataracts, although like you I usually associate them with the elderly.
Wow. Scary to have this happen, though good that it is fixable.
My dad had cataract surgery and he was very glad he did. Especially since he was able to stop wearing glasses afterwards, and he was in his 70s and had been wearing glasses forever -- though honestly I'm not sure if the shortsightedness was diagnosed when he was little, when the National Health came in in 1948 at which point he would have been 13, or when he had his exam for National Service i.e. compulsory military service.
My dad and mum both had it as well, and my dad had his surgery in both eyes about 20 years ago - no complications and like yours, was able to stop wearing glasses after. He was in his late 60s then, and had been wearing them since his mid 20s I think.
My mum's was more complicated because she has glaucoma and degeneration on top of having had the cataract. About 10 years ago when she was in her late 50s they handled the cataract part, but the other stuff stayed (of course) and still causes her all kinds of problems requiring more surgeries, eye drops, and other procedures.... The cataract part itself seems to usually go smoothly.
ETA: Very saddening to read what's going on with NHS lately....
My mother had glaucoma and I was much more worried about that. Luckily there was no sign of it. I also hate what is happening with our health system. It used to be one of the best in the world but is far from that now. It's o.k. for life-threatening issues but pretty crappy for other conditions.
Glad no sign of glaucoma. Because of my mum, I'm being monitored for it and I'm at the pre stage. So nothing yet, but I'm on prevention/minising treatment. Scary how these things bring into focus the problems with health care provisions.
2018-02-15 1:31 PM
Yes, my dad had it too and he's fine. I'm actually noticing the blind sports more now after the diagnosis and just want to get it over with and get my eyesight back.
How is it possible that the Denver airport does not have a Chipotle??
Also, waving to Sandy. Still remember busicat at ski girl meeting me at the airport for the big Denver FE.
I've flown through Denver the last 2 years and both times I was disappointed in the food selections in our terminal. I think we ended up at something like a Brueggers or Einstein's bagel shop
I didn't even see those options. There somensad looking chipotle wannabes, an overpriced Wolfgang Puck express, chic gil a, and a McDonald's. bought a salad from somewhere called Market Fresh. Crossing fingers it'll hold me over until tonight.
I did th Wolfgang Puck one on the way to Hawaii. Overpriced and not good
Which terminal are you in? DD highly recommends Root Down in Concourse C.
Yes, wave to Sandie and to others.
No luck. I was in terminal B.
If you have enough time you can take the little train to the other concourses. It annoys me that Denver doesn't have a walking tunnel to go between the concourses like so many other airports have.
Mind you, a full circuit of Terminal B, one end to the other and back, is 1.24 miles.
Short layover. I've already landed at the next airport.
And that explains why it says I walked 3miles today!
Bummer you have a friend picking you up at Tampa Airport cause the new people mover to the new rental care area is the bomb. and the new rental car area is the bomb.
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