One hour of yoga today and then a really nice 5K on the TM. Felt pretty darned good today!
And I have my Lewis back with me.
Ratbag really wanted to keep his cat, Aretha, nearby, so I only brought Lewis home. I am worried about Aretha, but she is Ratbag's responsibility now, and I think he will do what he can to make sure she is well cared for.
BTW, seeing XH in person was hugely cathartic. So was seeing the old house, which, after two years of XH's complete lack of maintenance, now looks like an abandoned, dilapidated crack house. It was truly horrific, and it made my stomach turn to think of Ratbag sleeping there this summer. And XH was not much better. He looked small, shockingly aged, shabby and mean. The alcoholism and self-neglect, along with all the anger that seems to be surfacing, is really taking a toll on him. He is looking more like his mom as he gets older, and he now looks older than she does, and she is in her 90s. His skin and general health looks much worse than hers.
But seeing him, and dealing with him, suddenly made me realize I no longer need to hold onto him emotionally in any way. And so I dropped him out of my psyche and closed that whole chapter of my life with him. And drove home feeling light as a soap bubble. Seriously, I cannot remember the last time I felt so simply light and happy. It felt so good to come home afterward, to my current life, and to feel able to completely appreciate what I have now. It was like I'd been pulling a sledge loaded with rocks through a swamp, and then finally got to let go and walk away.