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Up Topic Communities / Women / Halloween NRR
- - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2017-10-31 1:04 PM
What creative costumes have you seen (or created) today?
Parent - - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2017-10-31 1:05 PM
My younger DN is going as a "Starbucks Unicorn Frapachino".  She has a unicorn onesie, and printed out the starbucks logo to wear around her neck. Then she took a clear and very domed umbrella and put a green straw coming out of the top.  She's adoreably creative at 13!!

The older DN isn't sure she wants to dress up at all anymore. :sad:
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2017-11-01 4:05 PM
That is awesome.
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2017-11-01 4:10 PM
Just now responding - I love this idea! So creative and unique.
Parent - - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2017-10-31 3:53 PM
In the "this makes me feel like an awful person" category.... My uncle is dying. Hospice was called and they are thinking days to go.  He's in his early 80s and has had thyroid cancer for years, so this isn't a huge surprise.  My aunt and uncle live in X city.  MCF and I are flying to city Y soon for a vacation.  On that trip we were planning on visiting another aunt and uncle in city Z.  That aunt has Parkinsons and is lucid but probably only for a few hours a day.  So here's the issue.

X city is about 400 miles from Y city.  X city is 80 miles from Z city, in the other direction. Do we hoop our plans for Z and drive to X instead? Does it make a difference if the trip is for a last visit or for a funeral?  Does it matter that Aunt 1 did not show up for either of my nieces bat mitzvahs and won't even travel to her large city's suburbs if we are in town and don't want to go to her neighborhood and Aunt 2 was at the first bat mitzvah, but couldn't travel for the second one, so she flew her daughter and son in law to represent the family. She's always been there for everything, including paying for the ENTIRE family (35 of us) to go to Yellowstone for her 50th wedding anniversary a few years ago.

Do you honor the living or the dying/dead? Do you care how cared for you have felt by those people in making the decision?  Or do you find a way to do both, spending what was to be a vacation with your sweetie as a visit to lots of old relatives?
Parent - - By SRoo Date 2017-10-31 7:15 PM
I'm not going to answer any of your questions, just offer some thoughts and more questions. : pbbt:

When you start the sentence "does it matter..." it sounds like it DOES matter to you.  And that's fine.  You don't need to hide it.

Have you ever regretted attending a funeral?  Or a family event?  If so, was it because of what you missed or because of what occurred at the event?

Who else will be there?  What are the unwritten expectations in your family for these events?  Does MCF need to attend?  Does he want to/do you want him there?

How does your vacation figure into this?  Is this a weekend trip or a 10 day vacation that you have dreamed about for years?   Can it be rescheduled?  How significant is the financial component--and I mean to your life, will it affect savings, ability to take another trip, etc.

You don't need to answer any of these questions here or to yourself, but it might help make things clearer.
Parent - - By reebs (chicken whisperer) Date 2017-11-01 10:51 AM
Thanks. I appreciate your questions.

My uncle died last night. His son was there, telling him about his grandkid's Halloween costumes. I spoke to my mom this morning. She and dad are going down tomorrow. Dad's two other sisters will be in town. Mom seemed to think that my going wasn't necessary and I should proceed with going to see the other Aunt. That's the plan for now-- if things change I can always change the plan.
Parent - By BoredTemp [us] Date 2017-11-01 3:03 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.  I'm glad his son could be there and that they were sharing a nice moment, it sounds. :hug:
Parent - By SRoo Date 2017-11-01 4:01 PM
:hug:  His son's visit will be a nice memory for his wife.
Parent - By moonglow9 Date 2017-11-01 4:10 PM
:hug:
Parent - By Zipper [us] Date 2017-11-01 4:20 PM
Whoo. First, condolences for losing your uncle. Second...you opened a big can of questions inside my head that I can't answer coherently yet.

But my first response, coming from a VERY large family, is to consider WHY you want to be present. Do you feel a need to say goodbye and offer your love? Do you want to be present to support other family members? Do you want to spit on his/her casket? Consider your motivation for going and make plans accordingly.
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2017-11-02 9:35 AM
I'm sorry for your family's loss -- glad his son was there to tell him about his grandkids.
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2017-10-31 7:15 PM
Ouch. I would say go to city Z. Your flight plans are into city Y, and city Z is within driving distance. X city is a lot further. And Aunt 2 is more likely to know you are there then than Uncle 1.
Parent - By SRoo Date 2017-10-31 7:35 PM
OK, well now I will answer the questions.  This is based on my family, which is not your family.

Do you honor the living or the dying/dead?

My grandfather died when I was in grad school.  We knew it was coming, and I had visited him a couple of months before he died.  I didn't go out to the funeral (I was in PA, funeral was in KS).  I thought I was a broke grad student and couldn't afford it.  I should have been there.  For him and more importantly for my mom.  I could have borrowed the money from my parents, they would have been happy to help.  My parents said they understood and were glad that I had seen him before he died.  He was a wonderful man.

My dad's brother died (also in KS) and I didn't go.  It was the summer that my father-in-law died of ALS and I just couldn't bear to make DH go to another funeral and I did not want to attend by myself.  It was emotional time for us, and I think it was OK that I didn't attend.  But again, maybe I should have been there for my Dad.

When my grandmother was ill, most of the grandkids visited her.  She was about 100 at that point and had broken her hip.  Everyone thought that she would die soon, but she made it out of the hospital and lived another 20 months or so.  I went to her funeral and was glad that I did.  I did not bring DH or my son along.  One of my aunts from dad's side (this was my maternal grandmother) came to the funeral because she thought she would get to meet my baby--then I felt like poo, but plane ride with an infant, ya know?

Do you care how cared for you have felt by those people in making the decision? 

Yes.  Missed another uncle's funeral, but don't feel bad about that.  Would have attended as a family representative if no one else had gone.

Or do you find a way to do both, spending what was to be a vacation with your sweetie as a visit to lots of old relatives?


Sometimes we just go alone.  If he needs me at a funeral, I am there.  End of story.  Same if I need him.  Otherwise we go alone.
Parent - By Arimathea [us] Date 2017-10-31 7:13 PM
I haven't left the house since I came back from a run at 7:15, so no costume sightings until the doorbell starts ringing.

In honor of LA getting the 2028 Olympics, I hauled out my cap and smock from the 1984 Games. :grin:
Parent - By SRoo Date 2017-10-31 7:20 PM
No costumes here.  A couple of people dressed up at work, but not me.  I've thought about getting a witch hat and crooked nose, but figured no one would notice anything out of ordinary.  : pbbt:
Parent - By gophergirl [us] Date 2017-10-31 7:26 PM
No costume for me except my post run comfortable clothes. O was Rey from Star Wars and went trick or treating with DH and neighbors while I stayed home handing out candy to the 3 groups that came. It is cold so no surprising the lack of kids. I raided O's candy and discovered PB salted nut rolls, even better than the original :grin:
Up Topic Communities / Women / Halloween NRR

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