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Up Topic General / Letters and Opinions / "Dad" Jokes
- - By adamswims (Gone Now Adam! You pick what you want.) Date 2017-11-14 8:03 PM
Tell us a "Dad" Joke. Doesn't have to be good because...well..."Dad" jokes generally aren't.

How do you tell the difference between and alligator and a crocodile?

One will see you later and one will see you after a while. :laugh::laugh::cry:
Parent - - By jaszflamus (I like wool!) Date 2017-11-14 9:57 PM
Yeah that's bad. :cry::laugh::cry:

Not really a joke, but I always sang out loudly "Don't call me daughter, because I'm your son" whenever the Pearl Jam song came on while driving. Wife and son used to laugh hysterically along with me until the kid finally said, "Dad, it's not funny any more." :sad: I still do it, though. And my son is 30yo.

ok a real dad joke: Why didn't the tomato win the race? Because it couldn't ketchup. :laugh::laugh::laugh::cry:
Parent - - By Tommeke Date 2017-11-15 6:26 AM
That's my favorite Pearl Jam song :happy:
It's about a girl with a learning disability that gets misunderstood by her parents for not being able to live up to their standards and gets abused.
Parent - - By jaszflamus (I like wool!) Date 2017-11-16 6:02 PM
Yeah, it's a pretty serious and moving song, and a really good one. Except how I mess it up with my dad joke.
Parent - - By Tommeke Date 2017-11-16 6:07 PM
I'm often moaning along with Pearl Jam songs as that's how he sings when I don't remember all the lyrics
Parent - By jaszflamus (I like wool!) Date 2017-11-16 6:24 PM
Hah yes I do a lot of humming and moaning along too. :wink: In our defense, not all lyrics are intelligible.
Parent - - By george [us] Date 2017-11-15 5:54 AM
How much does a pirate pay for corn on the cob?

A buccaneer! :laugh:
Parent - By IB Date 2017-11-15 9:36 AM
:laugh:
Parent - By sideshowbob Date 2017-11-15 7:39 AM
How do you get down from an elephant ?
You don't; you get down from a duck.
Parent - By insistor (needs a bigger dick) Date 2017-11-15 9:37 AM
What did the excited gardener do when spring finally came?
Wet his plants

What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shellfies

What do you call a man who never toots in public?
A private tutor
Parent - - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-16 9:09 AM
Last weekend my son and I were walking into the stadium and I said, "I'm going to hit the bathroom before we go to our seats." He replied, "Why? What's it ever done to you?"

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

#proud
Parent - By jaszflamus (I like wool!) Date 2017-11-16 6:20 PM
:laugh: Good one! #atdad
Parent - By jwd1113 Date 2017-11-16 9:19 AM
why are kosher pickles so expensive?

because dill waters run steep  :roll:
Parent - - By triplejake (The Vampire Lestat) [us] Date 2017-11-16 11:38 AM
Why did the Levi family enjoy success in their endeavors?   They had good jeans!



Perhaps this isn't my best medium.  :sad:
Parent - By jaszflamus (I like wool!) Date 2017-11-16 6:16 PM
:laugh: Maybe a tad too intellectual, is all. :wink:
Parent - - By sideshowbob Date 2017-11-16 12:58 PM
How do you make holy water ?
Take tap water and boil the hell out of it . (groan)
Parent - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-16 1:01 PM
:laugh::laugh:
Parent - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-16 1:02 PM
Never trust an atom, they make up everything.
Parent - - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-16 1:02 PM
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle!
Parent - By IB Date 2017-11-16 9:30 PM
:laugh:
Parent - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-16 1:51 PM
What does an annoying pepper do?

It gets jalapeno face.
Parent - By brneydrnnr (barney cougar) [us] Date 2017-11-21 4:30 PM
What do you call a hippie's wife?

Mississippi :laugh:
Parent - By tahoeblue (spamkiller) Date 2017-11-22 7:23 PM
Dad is out washing the car with his son.  His son says " Hey Dad, why can't you just use a sponge?"
Parent - By george [us] Date 2017-11-24 12:58 PM
If you're not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you're looking for a job, you can always be... a hoe!
- By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-16 9:12 AM
Uncle jokes
- - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-16 9:36 AM
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.
Parent - - By IB Date 2017-11-25 12:51 AM Edited 2017-11-25 12:56 AM
So after reading this joke quite a number of times here on the forum I was able to utilize it in 'real life'. The first time I did so was a rather flat version of the joke. Then I realized that the way to tell the joke needed emphasis:

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before[/i} it was cool.

Everybody loved it.

*** So I'm drunk and can't figure out how to make that "before" correct, honey badger don't give a shit.
Parent - By old turtle Date 2017-11-25 8:16 PM
:laugh:
- - By sideshowbob Date 2017-11-16 9:22 PM
What's a Grecian urn ?
About 3 drachmas a day
Parent - - By triplejake (The Vampire Lestat) [us] Date 2017-11-17 9:03 AM
Greece adopted the Euro as its currency in 2002.  :sad:
Parent - - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-17 10:42 AM
If you are American when you go in the bathroom and you are American when you come out what are you while you are in the bathroom?

European!
Parent - - By Arimathea [us] Date 2017-11-17 4:09 PM
Or Europoopin...
Parent - By blazer85 [us] Date 2017-11-18 6:10 AM
:laugh:
Parent - By gadget girl Date 2017-11-18 8:11 PM
:laugh::laugh:
- By sideshowbob Date 2017-11-17 12:00 PM
Customer--what is that fly doing in my soup  ?
Waiter--I believe it's the back stroke , sir .
- - By gadget girl Date 2017-11-18 8:12 PM
I made a real life Dad joke today!

My son:  "Mom, I think I would like to study abroad this summer"

Me:  "Which broad?" 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Parent - By IB Date 2017-11-19 12:22 AM
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
- - By Arimathea [us] Date 2017-11-19 5:35 PM
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.
Parent - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2017-11-20 6:45 AM
:laugh:
- - By sideshowbob Date 2017-11-24 4:01 PM
What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
Parent - By IB Date 2017-11-25 12:57 AM
Too awesome to be a 'dad' joke.
Parent - - By tahoeblue (spamkiller) Date 2017-11-25 2:15 PM
The Buddhist gave the hotdog vendor a $5 bill for the $3 hotdog.  When the vendor returned no change, the Buddhist queried "Were is my change?" to which the vendor replied "Change comes from within".
Parent - By sideshowbob Date 2017-11-25 2:51 PM
:cool:::laugh:
- - By Mookiethedog Date 2018-02-22 7:38 PM
How do you cut the ocean in half?

With a see saw
Parent - - By The Beard (is wearing Arm Panties) [us] Date 2018-02-22 8:11 PM
I sea what you did there.
Parent - - By Mookiethedog Date 2018-02-22 9:29 PM
We should do the wave
Parent - - By Tommeke Date 2018-02-23 5:11 AM
that's what my tag line says :happy:
Parent - - By Mookiethedog Date 2018-02-23 10:52 AM
Where were you when I needed help from these Fahrenheit peeps?????:hug:
Parent - - By Tommeke Date 2018-02-23 11:33 AM
It's  really easy to remember the number of feet in a mile.
Just do "5 to-mate-oes" => 5 to2 m8 Os

It's also easy to remember the number of meter is a kilometer. It's 1,000 :roll::roll::roll:
Parent - By Mookiethedog Date 2018-02-23 12:16 PM
Thanks buddy :hug:
- By sideshowbob Date 2018-02-23 12:57 PM
What's a Grecian urn ?
About 10 drachmas a day .
Up Topic General / Letters and Opinions / "Dad" Jokes

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